Cases of women falling for married men and even realising a little too late that the man is the father of six brats have been with us since Akuku Danger was a boy.
To deal with such men, some smart and sassy lasses have mused up new tricks to find out if ‘Baba Mtu’ has a secret lover elsewhere. Here are 10 such steamy teasers:
1. Unataka nichomwe na uji moto?
While scalding someone is a criminal offence, many a time, a nosy woman intending to find out if a man trying to tune her has mama watoto back home unleashes this line. Often, such men respond thus: “Nani atakuchoma? Wewe ndio utawachoma!”
2. Umepikiwa nini leo?
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They say the way to man’s heart is through his stomach, although we all know it’s a few inches below the belly! But a lonely woman out with a man trying out leading pick-up lines will ask, “Umepikiwa nini leo nyumbani?” as she tears apart giant ribs at the bar counter.
3. Who chose picked that boxer for you?
After sharing a meal with the rib guy above, what follows is hours of sharing and swallowing drinks, with the woman knocking down ‘Liquid Panty Removers’ and later staggering to the man’s house in Lang’ata where she squints at his floral boxers and slurs, “Your wife must have settled for that floral boxer,” hoping that the man will genuinely respond in the negative.
4. Your scent is different today
Women are said to have a sixth sense. The moment a man changes his cologne, she would notice and remark, “Your scent is different today honey.”
5. Who is the lucky girl in Ankara dress?
Ankara shirts are usually matched with similar dresses worn by wifey or a girlfriend, mostly on special occasions. For this reason, men who step out clad in this trend and approach a woman are likely to be turned down with, “Who is the lucky girl wearing the dress to match that shirt”?
6. Are you the one who ironed that shirt?
Related to number five above is a question that is often directed at men whose clothes appear like they were laundered inside the mouth of Nguno, the family cow. But if a man steps out in perfectly pressed and laundered attire, the question from a woman he is hitting on would likely be, “Mama watoto huwa hachomeki akipiga pasi?”
7. Hiyo kitambi ni ya wenyewe...
Unlike their skinny counterparts, men with vitambi are said to enjoy homemade meals, thanks to Mke Nyumbani. This leads to women out there noting, “Na umewekwa vizuri,” just to tease out answers in a bid to confirm whether the kitambi ina mwenyewe.
8. Sitaki kukwama!
You must have heard of cases in which ‘cheating lovers’ get ‘stuck’ during a steamy session in a lodging. Many link such incidents and an interested woman will tease a man with the remark, “Sitaki kukwama!”
9. Fear of wife’s Kisii lightning prayers
For unknown reasons, people say lightning lives somewhere in Kisii and a cheeky woman will turn down a man with the dismissive statement: “Hiyo maombi ya bibi yako itatoa radi ya Kisii!
10. Si mosquitos zinakula mama watoto?
When left alone and trying your luck with the counter girl, a statement from the blue will be made to the effect that mosquitoes could be sucking your wife dry and you’d better hurry off home!