By James Gitau
In the last couple of weeks, I have focused my writing on low self-esteem. This topic seems to have resonated with many people as I have received comments from the readers asking for more information in this area.
I have, in the past, shared some of the key symptoms of low self-esteem and its impact on individuals and society.
The small voice
It is not your fault that you may have low self-esteem. It was a programme installed into your brain most likely by well-meaning parents, teachers or siblings, who highly likely suffered low self-esteem.
They probably told you that you are not good enough when an important part of your brain, known as the pre frontal cortex, that helps discriminate what to believe or not believe was not fully developed. This was reinforced by all kind of people, religious leaders, peers, spouse, media and so forth. You, therefore, believed this lie and have gone around with it hanging around your neck in form of guilt and shame. You have worn it as the lens of your inner map of reality. It now comes in form of the small voice that keeps repeating you are not good enough even when you have had huge successes.
Since low self-esteem affects more than 80 per cent of the people who are miserable on the inside, and seek external things to fill the emptiness within. Low self-esteem knows no barriers of race, age, sex, or status in life.
It may have afflicted the cop you meet on the streets of the city who speaks to you in the most rude manner without any provocation, and you are so baffled. It maybe the learned friend in the person of a magistrate or judge, who will want to put a lawyer or an accused person in his place just to show who is in charge.
Sex with hotel room attendant
Yes, even CEOs and senior executives suffer low self-esteem, and most of the time they end up in self-destruction, hurting people around them or destroying the organisations they lead. It may be the CEO of some world class leading corporate, who seeks self-gratification by having sex with the hotel room attendant.
Symptoms
Let’s look at some of the symptoms of low self-esteem, which may be found among some corporate or political leaders; extreme levels of anger, mood swings, alcohol abuse, promiscuous behaviour, insecurities, favouritism, surrounding self with sycophants, perfectionism, putting others down, being over critical about other people, thinking their ideas are the best, pride, having a big desire to prove themselves, and many others.
Key indicators all is not well
Low self-esteem within the leadership team may show up in the following form;
• Low levels of trust
The staff does not trust the leadership team as it is easy to get into serious trouble for making a mistake or saying the “wrong” thing. Staff will normally want to the make “politically” correct statements or comments. They tell the boss what he wants to hear.
• One way communication
Communication is usually from the top down. Staff do not feel free to air their views as those at the top do not care to listen.
• Big egos
The senior staff tend to have big egos and puts down others, and harsh or foul language, is the order of the day. Infighting among the top leadership is the norm.
• Rampant sexual relationships: This occurs mainly between senior and the junior staff. The senior staff dangle goodies at the junior members of the opposite sex for favours. In a few instances, sex with members of same sex has been reported.
• Bite the bullet
Do senior executives need help? The answer is a big YES! The challenge, lack of awareness as well as being in denial or thinking their behaviour is a normal standard of life.
Unless you get help on how to reprogramme yourself, you will have this small voice playing over and over like a broken record without a stop button. You may try stopping the record from playing by being an over achiever, more power, toys like latest cars, bigger homes, alcohol, holidays, more money and sex. It may stop for a short while and then start again. You will keep seeking more toys and achievements until it completely destroys you, unless you get help.
I have been through that path. I had a big issue with low self-esteem and no material things or social status seemed to work. I had them all, but the small voice wouldn’t stop.
It took me 40 years to find out, and I have dedicated my life to getting more enlightened and helping those who seek my assistance. However, refusing to accept that you could be a victim of low self-esteem and, therefore, not seeking help will not heal you.
The writer is the founder of Peak Performance International, a human potential development firm. Email your comments to: lifecoach@peakperformance-int.com