Why big bums are ugly burdens

I am sick of the myriad of wannabe celebrities, whose sole claim to fame are asses that are disproportionate to the rest of their bodies. So many women have been brainwashed into believing that a big ass is desirable. Frankly, a bigger-than-normal butt is hideous. Men just feel obligated to like big butts because they are men and that is what men do.

A huge tush will undeniably turn heads and get tongues wagging, but it makes so much more than a huge badonkadonk to keep a man’s attention. A small, perfectly round, toned ass is what they are really aching for, anything more is just gross.

Do not be fooled by the enormous, seemingly round and toned booties being flaunted by Instagram bosses. It is all an illusion, perfectly achieved by shapewear made of high-tech fabrics like spanx, which makes their donkey assess appear smooth, toned and round, and gives them those super sleek silhouettes.

These body shapers help to smooth out their stomachs, lift their bosoms and make their otherwise saggy bums look perky and create a smooth silhouette.

However, you can’t fight gravity. Once those garments come off, everything falls apart and what you are left with is a disgusting, loose and flabby cellulite-stricken bum, an awfully ghastly sight.

People are not so fixated on big behinds because they believe they are magnificent. The obsession with big butts is simply because they are an anomaly. It is a fascinating body oddity that people (men) want to scrutinise. And the enthrallment is only momentary.

He will go home and bang his normal-sized ass woman. You may pass for eye candy, but when it comes to the long haul, men prefer something a bit more ordinary. Also, the fact that a fat ass is the only thing that these women have to bring to the table, also explains why they are being overlooked when it comes to commitment and marriage.

When it’s all said and done, a man will have to speak to your face, not your butt. Given that you are a vapid conversationalist and the only topic that comes easily to you is your favourite sex positions, you won’t have much luck in anything beyond casual sex.

When will we get it through our heads that bigger doesn’t automatically mean better? A big ass doesn’t make you ‘sweeter’ in bed. It doesn’t guarantee mind-blowing sex. On the contrary, women with smaller features are more desirable in the bedroom.

They are more flexible and have nicer bodies. I have to say that I am rather content with my petite frame and small, round ass. I don’t know what I would do with a huge ass that wobbles behind me when I am walking down the street. I would rather have a man looking at my face when he is talking to me, not at my unnaturally big ass.

I don’t know how I’d live with myself, knowing that the only thing I have to offer a man is an ass. At the end of the day, the most erogenous zone is the brain. A big ass means nothing. Ditto for boobs. Anything more than a handful is a waste.

@roxannekenya