Blindness and my HIV status did not stop me from raising 8 great children

"You're a great mother!" These are words I hear almost every day from my children. The combination of widowhood, blindness and HIV sero-positive status has never been stigmatising enough to make me lose my self esteem as a woman and as a mother.

Over the years, I have convinced myself that despite my blindness, which I got when I was only 7 years old, I have a right to do everything that a normal woman does. This includes a right to good education, falling in love, marriage, enjoying sex and having children. Even though my husband died, leaving me with school-going children and a HIV sero-positive status over 20 years ago, I am now the proud mother of eight very successful children and as they call me, a grand woman.

I wasn't born blind, neither was I born with HIV; but since this happened to me, I had to take control of my life knowing only too well that my life solely depended on my positive attitude. Brooding and murmuring about how life is unfair has never been part of me.

I became my own activist at an early age of seven when blindness struck me and since then I made up my mind to live life to the fullest. Though it hadn't occurred to me how challenging life would be as a blind girl then, I settled for nothing short of a happy life. I had to succeed like all the other girls who had their sight. Though I couldn't go dancing or do other outdoor social things that girls do, I made myself beautiful everyday for my own gratification.

I was born in Gatundu, Kiambu County 63 years ago and was the only girl among four brothers. I knew my rights long before I joined school and would never allow my brothers to bully me. When I look back today, I think I would see admiration in their eyes. It was so tragic then when one day a cow whose calf I was playing with charged and hit me throwing me up a nearby mango tree.

I screamed and people came to rescue me from the charging cow but I didn't feel hurt and had no visible injuries so the issue was ignored. It would later complicate my sight and gradually drive me to a total darkness for the rest of my life. Back-and-forth visits to the then King George hospital (now Kenyatta National Hospital) bore no fruit hence my parents resorted to enrolling me to the Thika School for the Blind though I could see dimly. I gradually lost my sight completely.

My adolescence was normal and I desired to love and be loved. Since the nearest is the dearest, I felt loved and appreciated when an older student in the school developed good interest in me. Christopher Mwayonga was older than me by ten years but he would later make my husband, father of my children and my best friend.

I was young and naïve and enjoyed the way he held me and told me sweet nothings. He joined college and studied telephone operation and soon got a job at the then Kenya Canners Company (now Delmonte Kenya LTD). I felt safe and loved in Christopher's arms and before I knew it I was pregnant with our first son. Though generally I was a lover of babies, it dawned on me that I was in real trouble because my parents wanted me to join college.

Like any other young girl, I blamed Christopher and refused to involve him in my pregnancy journey. Though my mother was very tough, she supported me and mentored me on how to clean the baby on my own, feed him and to understand the different types of crying. After one year with the baby, I joined Kilimambogo Teachers College. Chris loved me so much that he pursued me to the college and soon our love was rekindled; this time from a more informed perspective.

My real experience in pregnancy and as a mother was with my second son whom I got shortly after I graduated from Kilimambogo. Being, blind, pregnant and a student was not an easy task for me at all but other students who of course had sight at the college were very supportive. I was posted at Likoni in Mombasa with a one month old baby.

I had thought Likoni was an appropriate place for me because Chris was from the Duruma Community in the then Coast province so we both thought it was good to be nearer home. How wrong we were! First his family couldn't accept a Kikuyu claiming that I was out to steal their land and on the other hand my family refused his community claiming that people from Coast were engaged in witchcraft. Life became so hostile for me at Likoni and Chris had to come for me to start teaching at the Thika School for the Blind to be near him and more so to bring up a family together.

Against all odds, we solemnised our marriage and life because so good for us and our children. Having grown up among boys, I was determined to have a daughter, so I kept trying but I ended up getting six sons! I didn't want the "men" to have the notion of me as the only woman in the house so I adopted two daughters.

After almost ten years of happiness, my husband suddenly developed a stroke which threw him on a sick bed for four years. I was the sole bread winner and most of all; I had to deal with his tantrums when he felt so helpless. To date, my payslip has never been without a loan. I was determined to have my children complete their studies and never to feel the impact of my blindness. I also had to pay for my husband's therapies. When my husband later died, I also started falling sick and was in and out of the hospital.

I would never have imagined I had HIV because Chris was my first boyfriend and to me he was an angel. Even today, I don't ever like to imagine that Chris may have cheated on me and contracted HIV. I had no one to cry to when I finally got my HIV results; Chris was long gone.

My eldest son had already completed university and so he took charge of his siblings. He denied himself the privilege of even getting married so he could help educate his siblings. Seeing his efforts gave me the passion to live though the doctors had given me only six months to live. "I have to live for my children!" I kept reassuring myself.

I fought for my life with all my strength. I started attending HIV related clinics and meetings and buying medication which was very expensive that time at the same time looking for sponsors for my children's school fees. I made rapport with the head-teachers and as a result two of my sons got bursaries. My elder son and I continued to work hard to pay for the others.

That was the toughest time of my life. Most of my in-laws from whom I expected help were either unwilling or were genuinely unable to help. I am glad that looking back at what happened; the whole experience made me a stronger person and made my children more responsible.

Today, all my sons have completed colleges and universities and are already married. The little girls are both in colleges and are doing very well. My eldest son still plays the head of the family though he has since married and has his own family.

He assigns his siblings responsibilities for taking care of me. I am a very happy mother and grandmother and now I live only with my househelp and her child. I am the national chairperson of the Disabled Infected and HIV Affected (DIAHA) Winners network and a board member of Kenya Network of Positive Teachers (KENEPOTE) among other positions.

"You're a great mother," are words I hear every day from my sons, their wives and my daughters!