Grossly weird things women do to keep men

‘When a woman loves, she loves for real’.. so they say. In a bid to keep a man they love, women can take absurd measures. Some of the things women do to keep their men away from other women can give one Goosebumps.

There are only two types of women: Those who subscribe to the traditional notion of marriage and those who want marriage on their terms. Those inclined towards traditional marriages, where men generally call shots have in the recent times faced insurmountable challenges. Most good men are married but available. Eligible bachelors have demonstrated a certain pathological phobia to commitment.

Hence, when they stumble upon a man who meets even the least threshold of being a husband, some women can go to extra lengths to keep him. And those married afraid of losing their men to the ever scheming women of the city too have been known to employ certain strategies, some utterly bizarre they will shock you in order to contain the man.

Here are the popular tactics that have been employed to keep men

Miss Broom sticks

Women are collecting body fluids like urine and menstrual blood among others to keep their errant husbands in check on witchcraft advice.

It is said that after preparing food they go outside and squat to urinate and then pour it in his soup and juice before serving him. As they are doing that, they are meant to chant 'the way this urine has pained me, is the same way you should feel pain when you intend to cheat on me.' When you do that, you will come back and tell me."

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"Three years ago, a friend of mine introduced me to a witchdoctor at the border of Uganda. The witchdoctor asked me to harvest dead corpse's gentitalia which of course I did not know where I could get," Alice Wanja a receptionist at City Law firm confided in us.

Witch craft also involves ritual like the sitting on hot chapatis before serving the man.

"This chapati thing actually does not need any consultation. Just cook chapatis and sit on them while hot before serving them. Just make sure that no one sees you doing this," Nancy Moraa a city business lady says adding that she has tried it before.

Ooops... I'm pregnant

Sometimes it can backfire. "I'm pregnant" is a famous line that is known to make men magically disappear. While men hardly mind unprotected sex, they are invariably ill prepared for the consequences. And many women, who have broken the news to their men, have ended up raising the children on their own.

However, some women, whether desperate or creative have used pregnancies to trap men. Here, she deliberately gets pregnant, with the solemn that she might excite the man into marrying her.

It is a method mostly favored by insecure women who believe in the old-fashioned creed that living with a man is the key to happiness. The notion was back then, 'get a baby and he is yours forever'. They fail to realise that a child cannot fix it. Making him your baby daddy will not make him marry you.

Sometimes, he may not even offer financial support.

Some characteristics of such women include those wouldn't let him see his child after a break up. They believe that if he does not want to be with her then he should be punished by being denied child visitation rights. To stay safe from such women, men should avoid taking condoms from women and never ever take her word that she's on the pill. Also, avoid a woman who insists on unprotected sex prior to marriage!

Meet my parents please

There are women who want the man to meet her parents on the third date within their first week of courtship.

However flattering, mostly they do not have the best intentions in their hearts. It is never a kind gesture! They want you to return the favour by introducing her to your clan and hopefully start dowry negotiations on the first month. They seem to be pressing both gas pedals down, moving a relationship at a speed headed to a crush.

"I had once dated such a woman and when we broke up after three months she insisted that I should go back to her parents and explain why I was leaving her. She said that she was too embarrassed to tell them herself. I had to pretend that we were still together each time she had to go for family gatherings," Alex Mwania a production assistant says.

Miss Money bags

This is a common mistake that women make. You buy him gifts, pay his rent and all his bills but he won't even 'girl' you let alone wife you. These are the same women who later complain that they were used by these good for nothing men. It is a common strategy often employed by mostly unattractive and overweight women. Equally those with low self-esteem or those who just like showering their men with gifts to prove to other women they have the money to do it. Okay, they might have the money to give a man but what are you getting in return? If a man genuinely loves you, he would not use you. Men prey on women who are gullible and vulnerable. It is so serious that women are now paying for a little love and affection.

If you leave me, I will commit suicide

And then, there are psychos. Some women are so possessive and manipulative that once they enter a relationship, they make it impossible for the man to exit from it. These are the overly emotional types, whom should a man as much suggest that he is leaving would be treated to too much drama, more than he bargained for.

The type that threaten men with suicide all in the name of love. Men should specifically avoid this class, given the responsibility they leave you with, should they make good on their threat, may be too great to bear.

From the word go, they will be emotional, too attached and can be suffocating. They are good at emotionally blackmailing one.

Come we stay!

Most men in come-we-stay set ups will admit that it is the woman who surreptitiously snuck herself into his house. They start with the toothbrush. Then there is the panties and bras strewn all over the house before one can say 'cohabitation' they are washing your clothes, scrubbing the bathroom, washing your jeans and cooking you your best meal. You only realize that you have been living together for a whole year when your friends start commenting on your expanding mid-size.

In between, she might fall pregnant. And generally her emotional investment, labour of love, and wifely roles would endear her to you. Unless a sadist, most men opt to keep the women.