What do you do when you find out you're his "Mpango wa Kando"?

I have a boyfriend that I really love. When we first met, he said he was single but later on, I came to realise that he has a wife. Whenever I ask him about it, he gets worked up and claims that I am being rude and disrespectful. I don’t understand why he has to hide his wife from me. He now says that he is not ready to discuss that issue nor answer my question. I am confused about this and don’t know what to do. Please advise me.{Eva}

Your Take:

First, young lady, you should know it’s wrong to get involved with a married man. You are acting like a desperate woman because you are ‘grilling’ someone just out there to waste you. He doesn’t want to answer your questions because you are not a priority but an option.

He owes you no explanation. Pick yourself up, stop being desperate and move on with your life then let God give you your own man. There is nothing to make you confused. Everything is in black and white.

{Monicah Wanjau}

The writing is clearly on the wall. Unless you are ready for endless drama or to be a second wife, run. {Aseri Dickson}

That man is cheating on you and could be only be using you. He will never marry you. It is better to remain single and respect your body than to be a spoiler of another woman’s home.

{Nyakwar Oliech Atanda}

Remember he had stayed with another woman before you and now he wants to be with you. As time goes by, he may desert you also to either go back to the other woman or to find another.

{Gilbert Kipkemoi}

That man is only taking you for a ride and could only be interested in satisfying his sexual desires through you. Threaten to tell his wife about all that is going on and watch his reaction. He could be having other girls as well and could even infect you with HIV.

{Onyango Outha}

This guy is married and does not need you in his space. Forget about him and move on.

{Andera Ngota}

When people start off in relationships, they never tell the whole truth about who they are. If your relationship is meant for marriage then you should be told the truth but if it is the normal relationships in the village then you must quit this and find a single man to date.

 {Ouma Ragumo}

I don’t know what sign you are waiting for. If you have time to waste then you can hang on but if you are serious you need something worthwhile.

{Tasma Charles}

You are nothing but a plaything, a distraction to him. At the end of the day, his wife will always come first. The sooner you realise this and end the relationship, the better for you. {George Gitau}

You don’t have any space in a married man’s life. You are typically his mistress or concubine. Run away from this man and find a single man to have a relationship with.

{Andrew Didy Chaplin}

Counselor’s Take:

Eve, I am not sure what else you want to discuss with him. The facts are relatively clear and they are as follows; one, is that he is married; two, he initially lied to you; three, you are still hanging around him and four; he will not discuss any of this with you. It is therefore not very difficult to see what he is taking you towards in this relationship.

There are two possible outcomes in this situation and they are that he could be using you to satisfy his sexual fantasies and pleasures or he is nurturing you to become his second wife.

Out of these two options, the one that seems most likely is route one where he may not have any long term plans for you. If he had a good plan up his sleeve for you, he would have told you about his wife from the very start.

In your description, he has not denied having a wife and this only helps to confirm that he has been keeping this from you.

In this situation, you will need to really evaluate your options. The fact that he has a wife is a constant and you are the only variable in this situation. If you decide to leave then the constants remain and he carries on with his wife.

 If you decide to stay, also bear in mind that you will be entering an already formed situation and you will have to adjust yourself to fit within it.

I would not discourage you from staying in that relationship but he has to provide some leadership and guidance on this matter. He should in very clear terms state his stand and if he is serious demonstrate his commitment to be with you. In the absence of this, the safest option for you is to leave. {Taurus}