Why can't I stick to one man?

Hi Chris,

I am a career woman, just turning 30, and with no intention of starting a family anytime soon. I enjoy dating good-looking, exciting, career-oriented men and prefer to have short term uncommitted relationships with them.

Because, to be blunt, I like having a variety of lovers, with little emotional attachment to any of them. But I am getting a lot of criticism from my mother (and my aunts!), who all say I should stick to just one man.

And even imply that there must be something wrong with me. I do not know how to persuade them that I am all right, and will admit that their attitude is getting to me sometimes.

So is what I am doing okay or not?

Being Criticised

Chris says,

Hi Being Criticised!

.

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Your mother's generation believed strongly that it was only men who were interested in short-term relationships, and who wanted lots of lovers. While women looked to find the one right man to help them raise their children.

They thought that the only women who had a lot of partners were those who were driven to it by some sort of overwhelming economic or psychological problems.

But times have changed, and so you no longer fit into this stereotype. Which is quite okay! Your attitude towards relationships is more like the strategy adopted by young men.

So that you are preferring to find physical intimacy in shorter, no strings attached relationships and choose your partners in a typically male way. With an emphasis on appearance, for example, rather than long-term financial stability.

And you are not alone. Nowadays almost all young women with professional skills are putting their primary focus on their careers. And marrying later. And using the time before marriage as a time to play the field. Just as men have always done.

They are just having fun, and are very much in control of their lives. They want to be independent, make their own decisions, own their property, and have sex on their terms.

Women have always determined the course of a relationship, right from its initial moments all the way through to the altar and beyond. But now a new breed of self-reliant women has completely taken the initiative away from men.

They are so comfortable with their emotions, that they are happy to have sex the way they want it. Just for fun, and without guilt.

Your mother is not completely wrong though. Because at some point you will probably decide to start looking for a husband and raise a family. And when that happens, you will go back to the traditional rules. You will start to care less about a partner's appearance and more about his status and wealth.

And to have a more traditional female attitude towards monogamy. Your mother will be delighted, of course, and will say she told you so. But for now, just enjoy life to the full.

All the best,

Chris