Men only: This column at nine and a half years

I was thinking of retiring this column when it hits a decade on this home at the end of this year, as seems to be the trend among ‘star’ writers, lol.

But then our editor sent us all one of those warm fuzzy WhatsApp messages about how she ‘loves the way we have been delving into real issues lately’ and how she thinks we are in a stage in our society now where ‘hatucheki na watu!’

‘You’ve been outstanding,’ she said, in conclusion.

How can you let down a captain like this, not to mention readers like Mutuku K and Tony Mwithaga who loyally follow this column, so that when I write about even a topic like arthritis, they write back to recommend miti shamba or waganga that my poor Aunt Pru can visit to cure the chill in her old joints?

Siendi pahali!

In-fact this week, I’m tackling or opining on ALL the issues raised in the Eve Mag last week.

‘What is the Weirdest Thing a Guest has done at your house?’

Readers were asked this question, and one Irvin Wafula recalled the time a relative showed up one night with a woman, two big bags and three kids; and ended up staying in his house for an entire week.

For me, I recall the time after a house party at my place, I opened my study to find ALL my hardcover books arranged on the floor like blocks of tiles, and this guy called Willy passed out on top of them.

When he woke up later that day, he explained: ‘This lady I took into your library (sic) said she can’t have sex on the floor. So I arranged your (hard cover) books on the floor, nikatengeneza home-made mattress ya ngumu!’

‘My Husband won’t let me work in a place with many men’ – Veronica, 22 year-old housewife.

Unless you seek work in a nunnery, Vero, every workplace has many men because we guys are 48 per cent of the world’s population. (Those dummies who say women outnumber us by four to one failed Maths. They mean women are 4 per cent more than men; 52 per cent of humans are female).

He’s insecure, jealous; and if you ever have an affair, he’ll maliza you, your two tois and himself.

#Jus’sayin’.

Sexual Healing – James says he’s struggling to perform sexually, six months after birth of their first child.

What’s the hurry to get back into the game, Jayme? You are supposed to give those SIX months to your wife to let everything recover and heal, before you let ‘Jim Beam’ back into the field of play. Relax!

‘Grin and Bear It’ is bad advice by Nina Odongo.

This is where millennial men go wrong, being allowed to behave like babies in their performance of emotion. There is a lot to be said for the old Stiff Upper Lip, especially for African Men.

Learn to carry grief without breaking down like an old Volkswagen all the time, anger without blowing up like an al Shaabab kuruneti and sadness without becoming a depressed whiner, who then makes everyone else despondent and blue.

Cathy Nabale – from Lawyer to Baker feature.                                                                        

One great thing about millennials is their willingness to chase their dreams, like above-mentioned Cathy, without fear. I can identify as one who went from law to journalism – and once in a while reap just juices (like this month when we get to be a resident writer in Italy).

The Thing about House Plans

Michelle Langi wrote last week about how ‘we all get to that age when thoughts of home ownership keep you up at night.’

Please, get a good night’s rest!

Let me tell you a story.

By the end of last year, I’d entered an agreement with this guy and lady to invest in a small school start-up by this September.

The old man retired in June, but has decided to first invest in a khat farm that will bring ‘quick returns.’

His decision has panicked the woman, who confessed to me last week that she’s getting ‘cold feet.’

I could stay up at night, getting infuriated at their indecision. Or I could go Venezia!

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