Oh Lord! What I learnt from dating a 40-year-old man

Once upon a time, when the relationship God's were smiling at me, I dated a 40 year old man. The man was all suave, athletic and chivalrous. He wore expensive ankle length boots that no man in my village or within my circles could afford.

He was a smoker but stuck to embassy cigarettes. He was allergic to cheap cigars. His perfume was masculine and tended to spread its fragrance in our short term relationship.

I used to imagine myself lucky to have such a man. On dates , he swapped away the bill without the slyness of twenty something men. The kind that would say depressing things like: "let's share the bill or I forgot my wallet". He ensured that my arm is safely tucked in his arm when we walked. All my girlfriends aaawed! and aaahed! at such outward show of affection.

Things nose-dived when I learned some truths about a man several years my senior and a 40 year old for that matter. Though divorced and never married, he had peculiar habits that are only common with a man that age. His feelings and lovey dovey were at an all time zero. His feelings were as flat as the floor of the great Rift Valley. He never felt jealous, was never possessive, lost his temper or even shared his fears and hopes on life.

While a man in his thirties will fight for his woman and protect her with his life, the case is different with a forty year old. At 40,he has seen it all. He has loved and lost. He has deceived many and been deceived in return. He has betrayed just as he has been betrayed. It therefore goes without saying that the fear of losing a love interest never occupies his mind.

While clubbing and hanging out seem ideal for a younger man, most 40 year olds don't fancy such. My prince charming liked daytime dates. He liked watching international news and football all the time. Movies were not his thing. Of course I pretended to have interest in such things. But I can say it was very boring. Not once did we go to clubs to drink,dance and make merry like all my girls were doing.

Let me not talk about the depressing music I listened. 40 year olds are in love with old music. Music that was sung by people you can't identify with. Then they will go on and on about those songs and how they listened to them in those olden days.They will even send you videos of heart breaking music like kukataliwa ni kubaya or stella wangu. They dismiss contemporary musicians as not good enough.

It broke my heart to know that my 40 year old man doesn't fancy babies. He already has them. To him, children are not little bundles of joy. They are just responsibilities that he already took care of.Ooh! I have not started on his mid life crisis. He feared aging like how most mortals fear death. He was nostalgic about the good things he did in his youth but he can't do them now.At some point,he kept complaining about our age difference.

While I was ready to hold it all up and be there for this 40 year old, the unexpected happened. He married his ideal woman. A 35 year old single mother with a car.Poor me who was only 26 and without even a bicycle learned about all this through friends. Damn all 40 year old men and 35 year old women.They are not pleasant people to hang around.

Once upon a time, when the relationship God's were smiling at me, I dated a 40 year old man. The man was all suave, athletic and chivalrous. He wore expensive ankle length boots that no man in my village or within my circles could afford.

He was a smoker but stuck to embassy cigarettes. He was allergic to cheap cigars. His perfume was masculine and tended to spread its fragrance in our short term relationship.

I used to imagine myself lucky to have such a man. On dates , he swapped away the bill without the slyness of twenty something men. The kind that would say depressing things like: "let's share the bill or I forgot my wallet". He ensured that my arm is safely tucked in his arm when we walked. All my girlfriends aaawed! and aaahed! at such outward show of affection.

Things nose-dived when I learned some truths about a man several years my senior and a 40 year old for that matter. Though divorced and never married, he had peculiar habits that are only common with a man that age. His feelings and lovey dovey were at an all time zero. His feelings were as flat as the floor of the great Rift Valley. He never felt jealous, was never possessive, lost his temper or even shared his fears and hopes on life.

While a man in his thirties will fight for his woman and protect her with his life, the case is different with a forty year old. At 40,he has seen it all. He has loved and lost. He has deceived many and been deceived in return. He has betrayed just as he has been betrayed. It therefore goes without saying that the fear of losing a love interest never occupies his mind.

While clubbing and hanging out seem ideal for a younger man, most 40 year olds don't fancy such. My prince charming liked daytime dates. He liked watching international news and football all the time. Movies were not his thing. Of course I pretended to have interest in such things. But I can say it was very boring. Not once did we go to clubs to drink,dance and make merry like all my girls were doing.

Let me not talk about the depressing music I listened. 40 year olds are in love with old music. Music that was sung by people you can't identify with. Then they will go on and on about those songs and how they listened to them in those olden days.They will even send you videos of heart breaking music like kukataliwa ni kubaya or stella wangu. They dismiss contemporary musicians as not good enough.

It broke my heart to know that my 40 year old man doesn't fancy babies. He already has them. To him, children are not little bundles of joy. They are just responsibilities that he already took care of.Ooh! I have not started on his mid life crisis. He feared aging like how most mortals fear death. He was nostalgic about the good things he did in his youth but he can't do them now.At some point,he kept complaining about our age difference.

While I was ready to hold it all up and be there for this 40 year old, the unexpected happened. He married his ideal woman. A 35 year old single mother with a car.Poor me who was only 26 and without even a bicycle learned about all this through friends. Damn all 40 year old men and 35 year old women.They are not pleasant people to hang around.