Why it is important to build your self-esteem

Self-esteem and self-confidence are essential in any relationship.

 It’s difficult to have a good relationship with someone who has a low self-esteem.

Before getting into a relationship, it is important to understand yourself – who you are, what makes you happy, why you react to situations the way you do.

Often the success of a relationship is determined by our attitudes, and value systems. Your concept of yourself affects how you think, how you look at things and how you respond to them and those around you. 

It also affects your relationship with your loved ones, boyfriend, husband, friends, children, colleagues, church mates and even God.

BELIEVE HIM

A happy and healthy relationship should do your self-esteem a lot of good, but if your self-esteem was not good to begin with, there isn’t much your partner can do for you. Your partner may do all he can to compliment and affirm you, but you will find it hard to believe him.

 You will tend to feel your partner is too good for you, and you are therefore not worthy of him. 

Such feelings can damage a relationship.

When you lack a realistic understanding of your abilities and strengths, you will find yourself unable to accept sincere compliments.

Take the case of Jane. She is a beautiful young lady, enjoying life with a great partner.

 Although she is beautiful, she does not think so. She considers herself plain, a label she was given while in high school.

She thinks she is too fat and not tall enough.  Her husband sincerely thinks she is gorgeous but she does not accept his compliment.

Jane shares; “I know he is bothered by my behaviour and I feel terrible about it. But I cannot explain what has happened to me and I am not able to change.”

Low self-esteem makes you defensive because you are always expecting to be criticised when in actual fact you are not!

Low self-esteem can present itself as over-sensitivity. When one is overly sensitive, they become defensive and are always ready to fight for their existence. They feel that the other person is about to attack and they have to protect themselves. Others may withdraw into their shell and let the world pass them by.

You must get up and move on!

You have no alternative but to work on your self-esteem to realise your true value and experience your partner’s love and respect.

You have to bring yourself to the place where you believe that it is right and prudent for them to love you and be positive towards you.

Here are guideline questions to help you build your self-esteem.

Who are you?

What makes you unique?

What are your values?

Your internal identity?

How you see yourself in relation to others?

 Live, love and thrive because you deserve it! 

The writer is a relationship coach and author, Marriage Built to Last

You can reach her on; www.jenniekarina.co.ke