Why women no longer want to settle down and have children

In the earlier days, every woman's goal was to finish graduate, get a good job, get married and have children. However, in the recent times, things have changed and more women are embracing solitude and have no interest in being mothers. From random interviews conducted by the Nairobian it is clear that westernisation, independence and family interference are the greatest influence to this trend.

My father was abusive

Some women find it very hard to move on from traumatising childhood experiences. Mercy Njambi's parents split up when she was about 10 years old due to domestic abuse.

"I saw how he treated my mom and developed this negative view of men. I thought, Why would I want that life? Why would I want to have kids and be tied down to a man forever?Watching my struggle to provide for my brother and I also made me realize that having kids is a huge financial burden," 35 year old Mercy told us.

"I hope that one day I will find someone who shares the similar sentiments but until then am just surviving on a 'hit and run' arrangement," she said.

It's just not my thing

In the past, most women were scared to express themselves thanks to society and cultural expectations. Marriage and parenthood are some of the maternal thing that most people are born with. "It just wasn't within me. I dated one person in the past who actually said being with me was like "a vegan being with a butcher," because I didn't want to have kids. He said he used to have dolls when he was little because he was so eager to grow up and have kids. That was a killer for that relationship, "Precious Nanjala a lecturer in a leading University confided in us.She confesses that she is really good with other people's children, but has always seen herself doing other things. I'm quite happy on my own.

"I think some people confuse that with selfishness, but realistically I think I shouldn't have a child if I don't have a desire to have one, "she said.

Can't lose my wasp waistline

As unbelievable as it may sound, some women are not willing to sacrifice their youth full looks for nine months. The thought of a bulging tummy covered in loose fitting chiffon outfits instead of their usual spandex is depressing.

Angel Moraa, a 30 year old city model has vowed that she will never get a baby. She is also aware that traditionally that makes it equally hard for her to get a man to settle down with.

"I have been told that I will be lonely in old age but the again who won't love a grana with firm breast and a flat tummy. I mean, looks at Will Smith's 60 year old mother-in-law. Isn't she still rocking it?" a rather carefree Angel quipped.

Self -Esteem issues

The men around women while growing up can also influence such decisions. From fathers, exboyfriends, and even friends.

Too busy

In a world where women actually go to their hairdressers at midnight due to tight schedules where does a man and a baby fit in? Yes, women can multi task but when they are struggling up the corporate ladder something's can either wait or get ignored totally!

Antonia Saitabau, an employee of a leading energy company does not have time for a family.

"I would love to have a family but am afraid I may not have a good job if I have that. I travel a lot and family would tie me down. What husband would allow her wife to fly out after every two days?" she said.

The good ones are taken

Just like men believe that the beautiful ones are yet to be born, some women believe that all good men are taken. They either accept to become second wives.

Women are very jealous in nature and it's either they have it all or nothing at all.

Christina Chemiati gave up on marriage all together after a series of heartbreak.

"I dated three guys who cheated on me and then I decided to start dating a married man. Things did not work out well because he kept dividing his time between me and his family. I decided that I don't really need a man to make me happy. I might adopt a child one day, "she said.

It's middle class thing

Kenyan Middle class women have a habit of copying everything they deem cool. In this case not having a family gives them a sense of independence. Not having a family is like making a fashion statements.

Eunice Mbithe a nurse based in Zurich is one of them. Eunice, who is dating a Swiss man has no plans of marrying him or even starting a family.

"we already agreed that we will not move in together or even exchange rings. A marriage certificate is just a paper. What really matters is the love. I'm very lucky that my partner does not want children either. Not having a child does not make me any less than a woman. Besides the world is no longer a safe place to bring up children, " she said.

Age

The age factor is mostly influenced by career. Some women spend most of their young days working and totally ignore their social life.

They only realise that it's too late when all men their age are married with kids in high school. Alex Wanjala, a 24 year old college student confesses that he is dating such a woman.

"She is 45 years old, very independent but has no plans of settling down. She has made it clear that ours is only a convenience relationship since her time to give birth is up. Of course due to society expectations, settling down with me is out of the question. Her close friends don't even know about me, " Alex said.

Natural causes

Some women do want to get married but nature won't allow them. For instance if a woman is barren she will not have the confidence to date because in African society marriages go hand in hand with baby making.

Mercy Olweng developed fibroids when she was in her early 20's. The doctors told her that due to her nature of complications chances of getting a baby were null."My experience with the first man I confided in broke my heart. I vowed not to share this information with any man again and dating or even getting married is now out of question for me, "Mercy, who now works as a volunteer in a children's home, shared.

My family is too demanding

Family expectations can also jeorpadise a woman's chances to get married. Such expectations include unreasonable dowry demands, hostile brothers and a needy mother who keeps following her daughter to her husband's house. Jane Wairimu says that her mother and brothers jeorpadised two of her chances to get married.

"The first time I moved in with my fiance my mother moved in too claiming that she needed to teach me how to treat my future husband. That overwhelmed him and we broke up. The second time we had an argument with my then boyfriend and my brothers decided to beat him up," a rather disappointed Jane shared.