Nairobi women narrate why they forgive their husbands even after discovering they had been cheating on them

Women would rather their husbands had a string of lovers than one steady mistress because they fear they might lose him completely to her, The Nairobian our sister publication established.

“It would be more painful to find out that my husband was cheating on me with one woman. That simply means that he has lost interest in me,” Grace Katheu* a journalist said.

Liza Njambi, a waitress, told The Nairobian that she would not worry as long as her husband was not stuck to one mpango wa kando.

“If he has many women but still comes home to me, then he knows what I have to offer,” she says.

Other women simply don’t care anymore. Tracy Naisae* says she kept confronting and fighting her husband’s women till she realised the man is a sex addict who had even slept with some of her close friends and their house girls.

“I gave up! This man will go after anything and everything in a skirt. I bet if I dressed a banana plant in a skirt he would still hit on it!” said the bitter mother of three.

But she says she is still stuck with him because he always comes back home at the end of the day.

“Besides, no man is perfect. They are all the same. Better the devil I know than an angel I don’t know,” she says with resignation

Cathy Ngunyi* a tutor in a city college, says she used to call women and warn them to stay away from her husband but got tired of the whole drama. Now she simply makes sure that he has a packet of condoms in his wallet every day.

“Since I started doing this, he has really changed. He can even go for months without replacing the condoms. We also get to spend more time together. Men get scared when a woman shows no interest in their extra-marital affairs,” Cathy says.

Another reason why women dislike men sticking to one illicit lover is because the two develop a very close bond and the man starts sharing intimate details about his wife.

Claire Bittok*, a flight attendant, says she broke up with her husband because she discovered he had told “that b***disparaging things about me”.

She says that, “I was hurt when I realised that he was bitching about me to her. I could tell from how she mocked me right in front of him when I busted the two in our house. I packed and left the same night.”

But a female TV personality who preferred anonymity says that she would rather her man cheats with only one woman.

“There is a risk of getting diseases if he has more partners. The other women also have multiple partners,” she said, adding, however, that she would still leave the man if she caught him cheating.

Relationship expert Catherine Mbau of Arise Consultants, discourages women from believing that a man who sleeps around with more women is better.

“If he is sleeping around, you stand a chance of getting sexually transmitted diseases and even physical abuse from the other women. It also hurts a lot emotionally which could lead to depression,” she says.

Adding that cheating with multiple partners is no guarantee that no emotional attachment will arise, she advises women to put their foot down and make men understand that they will not tolerate cheating.

“Unfortunately, most women sweep the issue under the carpet imagining that the man will eventually change,” Catherine says.