When you have to take a poop at your boyfriend’s place

And behold, the most mortifying relationship milestone for women: pooping in your significant other's vicinity. I can't for the life of me understand why women are so embarrassed about pooping at their boyfriend's place.

A woman will avoid pooping at her boyfriend's house at all costs! This means making sure she has emptied her bowels at a public washroom or in her own washroom before heading over to her boyfriend's place just to make sure she won't get the urge while there.

It is absurd really. I have talked to women who waited months before they were comfortable enough to go number two in their boyfriend's place. I understand that there will be smells and sounds that you don't ever want your boyfriend to know can come out of you and then there is always that persistent fear that you will take a dump that won't flush or you will clog his toilet.

However, pooping is nothing to feel self-conscious about. Here is the thing: there is no way that your new beau thinks that you don't poop. No matter how hard you try to never poop when he is around, at some point, you won't manage to hide the fact that you poop. You're not fooling anyone. It is because of this senseless dread that has given rise to the widely accepted theory that women never go number two.

Why do you feel the pressure to pretend you don't have bodily functions? After all, rectal functions are something we all have or all should be having.

Seriously, what do you think will happen if you take a dump at his place? Take it from me: the only person who is grossed out by the fact that you have to poop is you. Your boyfriend doesn't care. So, why do you act like pooping at his place is a relationship red flag? Do you really think he's thinking, "I thought I had met the perfect woman but I discovered we were never meant to be when I invited her over and she did number two!"

Or do you think that "doesn't poop" is in the list of a man's requirements for a potential girlfriend? Men know that women are human and that they need to poop. He won't find you any less sexy when he discovers you poop. There is nothing to gain from pretending you never poop. It is natural and it is part of life.

If you have to take a dump, go ahead, even if it is at your boyfriend's house. It is foolish to hold poop in and avoid using the bathroom at your boyfriend's house due to some misguided ideas about how pooping is gross and women aren't supposed to be open about it.

Like I said, your man doesn't care and if he does, he is an immature jerk. If he acts grossed out because you had to go number two, let him go. Promptly! Bowel movement is not a flaw that you need to hide.

@roxannekenya