Is intelligence the ultimate attraction?

Like the moon is drawn to the night sky, intelligence has a way of pulling people in with an irresistible force. But what makes intelligence so attractive?

Consultant psychologist James Bosse says this is because the mind is usually stimulated and seduced before the body. For many women, he explains, intimacy starts well before the bedroom. The attraction sparks when a partner thinks deeply, communicates clearly and shows care for their emotions.

“It’s in the conversations you have and how you treat each other. Intelligent conversations warm people up and respect will grow naturally,” he says. Sapiosexuals understand this all too well. They are people who are primarily attracted to intelligence.

James explains that sensual intelligence goes beyond intellect. It blends cognitive playfulness, mental agility, emotional depth, and the confidence to express ideas. “How you communicate determines whether someone perceives you as sexually intelligent,” he says.

Erotic intelligence is the ability to be fully present and to read a partner with empathy, humour and curiosity, he adds. Intriguing someone’s mind, James says, can be a form of foreplay. The spark happens when two people engage each other intellectually and emotionally by asking questions and thinking beyond the surface.

Scientific research shows that although desire is complex and multidimensional, intelligence ranks as a highly attractive trait. James notes that verbal and emotional communication appeals most strongly, while creative and analytical intelligence contributes later.

For those who get a thrill from mental engagement and cognitive stimulation, he believes intelligence can build sexual desire. “There are people who fall for each other because of high intelligence. It stimulates their minds, and then sexual chemistry grows from this mental attunement on how partners understand each other,” he says.