Make your bedroom a sanctuary of desire

The way a bedroom looks and feels plays a key role in shaping intimacy and desire.

According to psychologist Monica Oyoo, what makes a bedroom feel like a desirable space is creating a sensual ambience that both partners will enjoy.

Firstly, an organised and clutter-free bedroom invites more intimacy and desire. Physical clutter can lead to mental clutter, increasing distractions and interfering with arousal and intimacy. Another thing that can kill desire is having arguments in the bedroom, as the two individuals will likely associate the room with tension.

“We should avoid things that aren’t related to sleep or intimacy in the bedroom. If couples have conflicts here, they are likely to associate the space with negativity. They should go out to solve their issues,” she says.

Moreover, Monica advises avoiding distractions such as phones, as one partner may be busy on social media while the other craves their attention.

As for what to add instead, partners can make small, accessible changes to create more intimacy in the bedroom. They can work together to design a bedroom that reflects both of their desires. According to Monica, this can be achieved by openly communicating what works for each person and compromising to find what is conducive to both.

“They need to get to know what’s relaxing to them and what excites them and balance the two,” she says.

Couples can use sensory cues to trigger intimacy and relaxation. Monica says to choose the right lighting that creates a relaxing and romantic atmosphere. Glowing lamps, fairy lights, string lights, or pendant lights work like magic. Place coloured scented candles throughout the room. For the type of light, go for sensual hues of red, orange, yellow, blue and amber.

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“Remember, too many bright lights can be distracting, thus disrupting intimacy,” she says.

Create a sensual playlist that you both enjoy and play it softly in the background to signal to your partner that you are ready for intimacy. Choose soft and clean bedsheets as well. If you can, place flowers on the bed and around the bedroom to create a more sensual atmosphere. Monica suggests leaving small notes of appreciation for your partner to find in different parts of the bedroom.