Confessions: She's beautiful, says 'tuma fare' but I have only chatted with her online

I met a woman six months ago through social media and she really attracted me. She gave me her phone number and we have been communicating since then. According to her profile pictures, she is beautiful and I would like for her to be my wife and mother of my children. She loves me and says she is ready to be my lover forever. The problem is that she lives in Sirare (border of Kenya and Tanzania) and I am in Nairobi. We have never met and whenever I ask her to come, she asks for bus fare but I am not sure about this. I want to meet her but I am afraid it may not work out. Please advise me.

Jeff

What the readers say:

Looks like you have never heard of cyber crime and related scams. Why do you believe that you have been talking to a woman all this time? Who says the profile photos are not copied from elsewhere and pasted there? Send the money if you have no better use for it. Even if she were genuine, which I doubt, would you expect her to walk to Nairobi? Tell her instead that you want to visit her where she is. If her story changes, you will have learnt something. However, by actually visiting her, know that you might be walking into a den of lions so count yourself lucky if you walk out alive. Stop wasting your time looking for women over the web. Instead, open your eyes and look around you if you are sure you want to marry.

Tasma Saka 

Jeff, love starts and grows anywhere any time. There is no designated place to find love. But I see you are too much. Be sensible here. You peg your desire to marry her on her beauty? Go slow. Love entails so many things. Beauty is in the same neighbourhood as lust. I suggest you really have to know what you are after before you seek it. Categorically, understand a game before you take part in it. Do not involve yourself in a long distance relationship when you are having issues with trust and when you cannot part with fare. True love, as you know, has no bounds. If she were genuine, she would be ready to spend her own money. Let her do so as you promise to refund it once you have met her. Do not become a victim of fraud. Do not get involved with someone you have not seen physically. Do not rely on pictures which could have been edited to entice you. If you also feel so much in love, then make an attempt to meet her face to face.

Ouma Ragumo-Sifuyo 

Jeff, in my understanding you have three problems; the social distance, the fare factor and prejudged decision. All relationships are the same but what matters is trust and divine love. It doesn’t matter where and how you met but rather the willingness to settle down. The day you will sit down and discuss issues is the day you will come to understand her. Create time with her. You never know. Maybe she is God sent. If you feel that she can ‘eat your fare’, wake up very early and travel to meet her in Sirare. The second option is to send her fare but if she turns up to be Judas Iscariot leave her and run away.

Jeff Chepkwony, Chepalungu?

Boke says:

It is so interesting  how you talk so fondly about this girlfriend of yours yet you have not set your eyes on her.

I thought you should also know the distance between Sirare and Nairobi is about 400km, actually 396km to be precise. It costs Sh1,500 one way and it takes 8 hours on a bus ride.

I am giving you all this information, which you probably already have, just to let you judge for yourself whether you are that serious about this relationship and how much you are committed to it and to each other. 

When you say you are not sure about sending your girlfriend bus fare to come see you in Nairobi, I am tempted to believe it is because you fear she might keep the money and not travel. There goes a red flag that you should not ignore.  

There is nothing wrong with meeting a mate on social media. It is a social place just like other physical places. The only difference is that you do not get to meet  face to face. It becomes a challenge if you do not take your interaction beyond Facebook or the other social media platforms.

Remember, there can be a lot of false impressions on social media. For that reason, I would encourage you to tame your expectations on this relationship until you have changed your mode of operation and you get to meet physically.  

It is also very possible for you not to like the person when you finally get to meet and experience their temperament, attitude and emotions.

Please remember people always display their best image on social media. A person is more than a pretty or handsome face. 

You also need to come up with a workable plan to minimise the challenges that long distance relationships present. However, before you even get there, I still cannot understand how you are ready and willing to share your life and future with this woman but are very cautious about your Sh1,500.

You are ready to risk your life but not the fare. Listen to yourself and think through your decisions. This contradiction is laughable.  

Hilda Boke Mahare has a background in Counselling Psychology