Baby Humor: witty things kids say and do.

It is true that God ordains strength out of the mouth of babes… Some pretty witty things have been said and done by children. What makes it funny, is that while oblivious to it, they shock you beyond words or give you fits of laughter, as these instances did to me.

Of private parts

The world is a creepy place, and you can never be too careful. My friend, meaning to sensitize her 3 year old that private parts are actually private, told her daughter that no one except mommy and grandma  should ever touch her chuchu, and if anyone else tried to, she should scream help. So one day, they got a new nanny and as she was bathing the girl, she just started screaming… heeeeelp, heeeeelp!

Of allergies

One day, I had just put my then four year old to bed, and as I was closing the door, she called me back.

Maia: Mommy, I wanted to tell you, do you know I’m allergic to porridge?

Me: Allergic to porridge? What does allergic mean?

Maia: It means, when I take porridge, I feel like puking…

The girl knew what she was talking about, I rest my case.

Zero chills

My friend visited with her almost seven year old one day. As is typical of kids that age, she was all over everything, and at some point she took one of my daughter’s framed photos and brought it to me.

Kay: Is this your daughter?

Me: Yes, that’s her.

Kay: Turning to her mother. Mom, her daughter is cute…

Kay’s Mom: Yes she is. What about her mom?

Kay: Scrutinizing my face. Mmmmmhhhhhhhh…

Kay’s Mom: What about her mom Kay?

Kay: Mmmmhhhh… Well, she’s a little bit cute.

Of hell

When my daughter was three, out of the blue she asked:

Maia: Mom, where does Satan stay?

Me, Perplexed by the question: Satan stays everywhere.

Maia: So, everywhere there is fire?

I should have known it was a trick question.

Tears that bind

One day, my uncle was travelling upcountry with his family and they were pulled over at a police check; the offence being they had furniture tied to the carrier. Despite attempts to talk his way out of it, the cops insisted that they had to book him for the offence. So, one of the cops got into the van, and told my uncle to drive off to the nearest police station. There was pin drop silence for some distance, until his first born daughter, then nine, started crying uncontrollably - I imagine she thought they were all going to jail. And as if on cue, so did his seven and four year olds. The cop, ashamed, just asked their father to pullover, and he alighted!

Snake!!!

One day I was in the kitchen cooking, while my daughter was shelling peas in the sitting room. Out of nowhere she called out in a panicked voice, and I rushed to her. What I found, was her standing on the sofa, pointing to the floor, yelling: snaaaaake, snaaaake! It was highly unlikely there was a snake in our house, but I checked anyway; only to find a small green vegetable worm aka snake!