Hi Chris,
My boyfriend keeps saying that I don’t respect him. I think I do, but he’s never satisfied. So why does he make a big deal out of it?
Respect
Chris says,
Hi Respect!
Couples need to respect each other, but respect is particularly important for men. Men are extremely sensitive to the slightest hint of discourtesy because their world is so much more competitive than yours.
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It’s hard for women to understand this, so it often causes problems in relationships.
For example, it’s all too easy to take your boyfriend’s achievements for granted, so he feels you don’t value his abilities. Are you endlessly negative?
It’s hard to build a successful relationship with a man if you’re always unhappy.
Respect, of course, has to be mutual. So expect your man to be as considerate of you as you are of him. And if you do disagree, argue respectfully. Starting with ‘That’s a silly idea...’ won’t get you anywhere.
Instead, listen carefully and try to find solutions that you’re both happy with.
Pick your battles. Know when to fight for what you need and when it’s better to let him have what he wants.
Above all, think about where you’re both coming from when you disagree. For example, if your ex is in town and you want to meet up, think about how you’d feel if the situation was reversed.
Be accountable and polite. For example, if one of you comes home late without calling, the other will feel disrespected. And everyone needs privacy, so neither of you has the right to snoop through the other’s phone.
Respecting your boyfriend also means wanting the best for him and never putting him down. Don’t put him down in public or talk behind his back. Address any problems in private.
Above all, respecting your boyfriend means being honest. So never lie about who you were with last night, how you spend your time, or do anything that would make him mistrust you.
And it sounds terribly unfair, but remember that his need for respect is even greater than yours!
All the best,
Chris