I propose the following additions to your existing list of expectations:
1. Maintain a relationship that’s built on mutual trust
It’s important that he trusts you, is not insecure and does not question your every move of where you are, who you were with, why or what, he believes you when you tell him how you are feeling, when you profess your love for him as well. You too should trust him, believe him and that your insecurities should not get on the way of mutual trust. Obviously trust is earned and deserved, the foundation of all relationships.
2. Be loved unconditionally
He should be your number one cheerleader, encourager and supporter and ought to be proud of your accomplishments. Beloved, who you are should complement him but not pose as a competitor or threaten his world in any way. On the same breath you should create a safe space for him to avoid any insecurities, be accountable and yes trustworthy. Extending unconditional positive regard is not an option, it should always be the case if any romantic relationship is to thrive.
3. Be objective, always
He needs to respect your opinion; he may disagree but respectful. He needs to understand that you are your own individual with an experience and background and that not seeing things the same way does not mean you love him less. You too should respect his opinion, regardless. There is strength in diversity so celebrate it.
4. Remember you will not always be excited
He should wade through the seasons of love and life with you. Falling in love can be exhilarating and yes exhausting at the same time. When the love hormone settles, you may think you are not in love anymore. This only means that the relationship is maturing and has become a much more stable, deep, and special part of your life. If your heart is not racing and you begin to doubt your love, remember that relationships go through seasons.
5. Accent change evolves over time
He can inspire you beyond your wildest imagination. If all he wants is for you to change, I would be concerned. He can bring out the best or the worst in you, watch out. Just as long as he’s not trying to change the very essence of who you are, adding value to your life is always welcome. Whoever you should be with is someone that does not bring you down constantly, one who loves you, inspires you, and appreciates who you are.
6. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and feel safe
Do you feel safe in this relationship? He should give you room to not only feel safe but be vulnerable. The fastest way to your authentic self is feeling safe. Do you provide that opportunity to allow him to feel safe even in sharing his vulnerabilities?
7. Differences should not threaten
If he enjoys the same kinds of things that you do, you are truly blessed. But the truth is that he may not, this does not in any way mean that he does not love you. He may have a lot of passions that you feel nothing about. It is always helpful to have common ground but different passions do not indicate a failing relationship. It’s not necessary for either one of you to take up one another’s interests in order for your relationship to last. What’s necessary is that you each acknowledge the things that are important to one another, and appreciate them instead of trying to force one another to do things differently.
Above all, friendship is important in building a healthy relationship. Invest in your relationships and reap the benefits for a life time.
The writer is a Relationship Coach and Author, Marriage Built to Last. You can reach her on, www.jenniekarina.co.ke