I just found out that my wife of 8 years has had dental problems all this time. She has very few teeth and has kept this hidden behind a denture. I did not know this until she complained about a toothache for a while and she often refused me to accompany her to a dental hospital. Then I had to travel abroad but my trip was cut short and I returned home only to find her without the dentures. Apparently, they broke and had to be fixed for a few days and this is why it had to be done in my absence. Please advice on what I should do about this. I cannot believe that I did not pick this for all the years we have been together. I feel cheated and taken for granted. I cannot even bring myself to kiss her. {Martin}
Your Take:
Martin, you are definitely not a good kisser if her dentures did not fall off all this time. Eight years is a long time to be together with someone then to start worrying about her teeth. Encourage her about life and reassure her that you still love her even after knowing the truth.
{Steve Hesbon}
The only way out of this predicament is to accept reality and forgive her for keeping this from you all this time. Nobody is perfect in life and we all have things about ourselves that we would want to hide.
Just as you have faults of your own, accept that she is the woman for you and that you will continue loving her as much as you did before.
{Catherin Mutua}
You must have been too busy with yourself all this time and never took the time to look at her. How come you did not notice all this time? You did not marry her for her teeth so I suggest you accept things as they are and move on.
{Clotildah Jay}
You married her for who she was not for what she had or did not have. With dentures or without dentures, she still remains to be your wife and mother of your children. Stop being petty and show her your love, understanding and care. You married her for better or for worse.
{Helen Ombati}
Stand by your wife. Since when did facial features become an issue in marriages? She is married to you and you are married to her so focus on strengthening your marriage by focusing on the most important things in life.
{Rajula Clinton}
Counselor’s Take:
Many times we have certain perceptions about different things in our lives and in some instances, they are often either misplaced or totally inaccurate. This is until the time we come to learn of the actual status of things that we feel cheated and taken for a ride. The truth of the matter is that in life there are many things that are only put out to match “convenient levels” but in reality they are often far from the truth.
Take this your issue for instance; you have not until recently discovered that your wife has dentures. For 8 years her teeth were never an issue to you. She may have been going through a lot just trying to keep this from catching your attention but she managed all through.
Now that you know the reality of things, it is now a major issue that makes you even not want to kiss her. If you did not have a problem before and for all this time, why is it a problem now?
Yes, you are justified to feel cheated and taken for granted as you put it but I guess the bigger problem here is the fact that she concealed or misrepresented certain essential facts about her dental composition.
However, if she provides a sincere apology on this matter, why would you not find it in your heart to forgive her and move on with your lives? I emphasize that if this was not a problem before it should not be an issue now.
Naturally, this is a difficult situation for any lady to be in and I believe that a lady in this situation would take any reasonable measures to conceal this from any potential suitor and would keep it hidden for as long as she could.
As a matter of fact they do this all the time with make-up, hair, nails, heaps, buttocks, breasts e.t.c. It is all in the name of looking more beautiful and attractive for you. If you have admired any of these things on another woman, why won’t you accept the fact that this is only one of the things she does all because she desires to look good for you.
Lastly, ever since you got to know her, I am certain you can list down many good things she has done or that she represents to you, wouldn’t you? So what would you rather loose, the many good things she means to you or the one bad thing you have recently found out about her? {Taurus}