I don’t know whether this is right or not but I am 34 and in love with a 27-year-old guy. I picked him from the streets, started feeding him and let him stay in my place. He found a way into my heart and knows how to make me feel special. I have tried to start two businesses for him but they collapsed within months and he has really changed lately. I think he is using some illegal stuff because he is usually on the edge and sometimes just keeps to himself. When we fight he brings out the age issue and calls me “old” which irritates me. The trouble is I recently found out I am pregnant. Now my business is going down because I am confused and cannot concentrate. I don’t know what to do. I think I love him, but he doesn’t seem to appreciate it any more. Please advise...{Nina}
Your Take:
He did not come asking for your love in the first place. You mistook his intentions and that is why he has no respect for the relationship you two have. It must be hurting to see the guy you picked from the streets turning against you.
There is only so much you can do for a drug addict and that is to let him go. Accept the fact that you may get a child out of wedlock, concentrate on your business and focus ahead before he ruins your life forever.
{Lucy Omondi}
Marriage is an institution and it should be respected by all parties, you should not let that pregnancy tie you down to an abusive marriage and a thankless ‘drug addict’, who instead of thanking you for what you have done, is busy insulting you.
Go and look for a man of your age and class. While drug addicts need our love, support and care, your lover has demonstrated he doesn’t give a hoot.
He is biting the hand that feeds him and maybe he has found another sweetheart that is why he is calling you old woman. Pregnancy is a sensitive period so you need to relax otherwise you will lose your baby.
{Loise Wangendo}
Love is blind and definitely knows no boundaries. Being in love with a man who is seven years younger than you is not the real issue here. There is nothing to hold on to if he is a junkie. He belongs in the streets so let him go back there.
You can make it in life alone. Life will be better without him. Picking the guy from the streets and taking care of him was very nice of you, but you went too far! You shouldn’t have gone to bed with him. Look for a mature man of your age. Don’t mind what people will say about the baby. We all make mistakes but we should learn from them.
{Gabriel Preston}
This guy does not love you at all and is only staying with you because you are supporting his day-to-day lifestyle. He also knows that you are desperate of being called a wife and more so a mother and that’s why he is treating you like this. He is an opportunist out to suck you dry. The best thing you can do is to throw him out. Your Mr. Right is still on the way coming.
{Ivy Nzilani}
Counselor’s Take:
This is a tricky situation to be in and the trouble is that getting into it was relatively easy and fast but getting out of it will not be as smooth. I have a strong feeling that for you, it may not be viable to carry on with the relationship based on the facts.
You made your mistakes but they should not commit you to a life sentence of misery. There is always an exit button for every situation that is only digging you further into trouble. You should know when to hit it and the time to do so is now.
Going down to the facts, the guy is seven years your junior, he is using some “illegal stuff” as you put it and he is just annoying. He is lucky to have a roof above his head, probably three square meals a day and a woman to take care of him and he still goes ahead and calls you “old woman?”
He clearly does not know what is good for him and it is about time you taught him this lesson. It is rather unfortunate that you are now expectant but this should not bind you to a live with a guy who clearly isn’t appreciating your efforts.
Such people, I’m sorry to say come with their fair share of troubles which include stealing and selling household items to finance their habits, they can be habitually violent and with time, police will become your close associates. They will either be regular visitors to your residence or you will become a frequent guest at police stations to bail him out of some sort of trouble.
You have a lot going for you now and you should not let a pervert get in your way. It is not your responsibility to take care of him (you did not get him into this mess) and he actually seemed to have been doing pretty well without your assistance or interference. Kick him out and focus on settling down.
Bear in mind that you will never settle down with him in your life. There are other men out there and I can assure you that you are better of in any other situation other than the one you are in now. It is not your responsibility to take care of any guy who cannot seem to take care of him and even though you tried to help, you should not feel compelled to continue assisting him in the current circumstances. {Taurus}