There is a phrase the ‘old boys’ network’. I have never heard of ‘old girls’ network’ because they don’t exist. Women rarely remain friends over time. Few female friendships can last a lifetime. While a man will remember the man he fought along during the Mau Mau, women are highly immiscible.Women are always irascible and impatient with each other.
Their friendships are fleeting at best. Most women I know, can scarcely share a house much less the whole planet. I have seen a woman walk into a house party and sneer immediately at a woman who had worn the same outfit but better. In fact, part of the reason wedding arrangements take forever planning is because women rarely can agree on one thing. And mostly, they disagree on the flimsiest things for no reason other than they hate the pushy nature of the group leader who cannot let them push their ideas on if the colour of the bridesmaids’ dress should be violet or purple.
I have observed with laughable consistence how many female friendships collapse on what we men will consider stupid reasons. While for men ego is a big problem, for women it is destructive. When men talk the ego gets in the way. You tell a man about your predicament, he tells you about his worst predicament. But at least we talk.
For women, when one seeks wise counsel from the other, no matter what her friend will advise, the seeker rarely listens. In fact, advising a woman is one of the toughest forms of human interactions. If you have ever warned your young sister about a certain bad guy, you know what I’m talking about. It takes a pregnancy, a disease or a certain level of abuse for her to learn.
I can hazard many reasons why female friendships never last. First, they never let anything go. In fact, the slightest of the slights attract the highest form of vengeance. Women while forgiving, they rarely forget. They have a certain memory chip that records everything you do or say that they will store and fish it out in July 2021, reminding you what you said.
Secondly, women like undermining each other so much. There is too much emotional sabotage in Venus. Women thrive in petty schadenfreude. They want the other person to suffer. The heel of their enemy to come off at the corporate event. The rum to spill on her cute blouse. Her best friend’s boyfriend to cheat on the friend, more so with her.
Remind me a woman who truly wishes her friend the best in her wedding and marriage. News of an impending break up spread faster than light in female planet.
Thirdly, all the time women stay together; they are looking for reasons to start disliking each other. And soon, there tastes in virtually everything will start differing. Literature, music, how chores should be done, and everything in between will prove a monumental hurdle and they have to part ways.
Finally, motherhood and marital responsibilities have the worst toll on friendship when it comes to women. But the real cause for breakups is that when one marriage will be better than the other. It is the way of life. Deal with it. Yet more women choose to be scornful, always digging out the dirt and spreading it out. What they fail to learn is that each marriage and relationship is unique to itself.
Women can make the best friends given they have better support systems than men. The reason they live longer than men. So drop the petty schadenfreude. Always wish your best friend the best even when they are difficult to deal with. Stop eying her man. Always be truthful. The truth hurts but always helpful in the long run, rather than a lie that works today but ruins someone tomorrow. Don’t let your friends out on that hideous outfit. Advice her against abusive men. Don’t be afraid that she will think you are after the man. No. Don’t give her the reason to think so.
@nyanchwani
snyanchwani@standardmedia.co.ke