The other weekend we squeezed a boys’ day out one afternoon and drove to Maasailand for nyama choma.
It is one of those afternoons that are thoroughly enjoyable. It is usually a boys only affair and you can imagine the jokes when we don’t have to think twice before taking or else your jokes are labelled traitorous.
So as the afternoon rolled out and we chatted and laughed about all the silly things that we have had to do in this life in the name of courtships and relationships, it occurred to us that we really didn’t know if girls have a code. You know, those set of unbreakable rules that a girl would rather lose her virginity to an ugly man with stinking teeth than break the code and let down her girls.
Seeing that no one was sure if indeed there was a set of rulebooks by the girls, we got philosophical and decided to make educated and sober guesses.
Perhaps one of the most obvious codes in the girls rules book is ‘Thou shall not eat your pal’s man’. This could be the greatest commandment of them all, but this still does not stop girls from eyeing their girls’ men lasciviously. On that one afternoon, out of 12 men, seven had been approached suggestively by girls who considered themselves friends to their well-known fiancées.
This is free advice to the girls. When you congregate in those dinghy saloons as you make your hair and discuss men, please do not go about bragging how your man is full of machismo and elaborate stingos. Who wouldn’t want to be part of such an action?
Perhaps, the girls other code is never outshine the bride on her wedding day.
If I was a member of their cohort, I would consider this a reasonable rule to live by. But do they really keep it? I have been to countless weddings where girls decide to turn the reception to a lawn grass cat walk runway. Have you ever wondered the most precious time for a girl during the wedding reception besides those silly dancing sessions? It is the time to go pick you food. The folks will queue for 20 minutes talking excitedly making sure no man misses their great outfit placed on a malnourished body in the name of looking sexy.
They will then walk the breadth of the reception area fully aware that all the men including the octogenarians get a healthy feast of their body by kulaling kwa macho. These are just gimmicks to steal the show from the very woman who invited you for the show.
I’m certain girls may have agreed never to badmouth each other to anyone. But wait until one of them is not within earshot. Her entire life is analysed to the mundane colour of her underwear. You got to ask yourself, of what value is discussing one as if she is a subject of a doctoral thesis?
I was once unfortunate enough to be in a company of two women as they waited for their friend to arrive. The mere fact that she was runni8ng late made them angry. And boy that opened the floodgates. She was discussed and analysed to such scary levels I contemplated bolting out of the café. But again, if I ever did that, my clansmen would never forgive me leave alone bury me. I would be buried by uncircumcised young me, for that kind of behaviour is only expected of young boys. But I digress. When the lady finally arrived very remorseful for delaying us, she was met with lots of kisses and hugs. These did not look like people who would discuss her in such disgusting manner.
Do girls really have a code and if they do, do they really stick to it?