We have numerous cases of women who, sadly, remain single mothers forever. The average man is scared of a single mother because, among other things, they perceive her kid(s) as baggage and fear the prospects of being sucked into baby drama.
Such is the catch-22 situation most single mothers find themselves in. However, besides the unfortunate societal stigma that these women have to constantly fight, here are seven common big mistakes they make, which end up sabotaging what would have otherwise turned out to be great relationships.
1) All men are dogs and all they want is sex
A good number of single mothers shortchange themselves by adopting this terrible attitude towards men. How I wish I was perched atop a mountain or a rooftop to shout this point. Just because you had this nasty experience with the father to your child(ren), doesn't mean all men are 'beasts'. Thing is, and ladies please repeat this after me, there are many great men out there. Just don't ask me where to find them! Some are genuinely looking for love, regular companionship and honestly desire to form families. Actually, sex is the last thing on their minds because they have had enough of it, anyway.
2) Remaining single for so long
It is normal to take some time and stay away from dating, following a break up to recover. However, some of these mums take way too long. Do not cry over spilt milk for decades. Once you become overly comfortable being a single mum, it becomes an impediment for you to make the switch and get into a new relationship because you return when you are too 'rusty' to successfully go through the motions, so to speak.
3) Introducing your child(ren) to potential suitors too soon
It is important to examine how your kid(s) would gel with your new man. But this requires a lot of tact because it can be tricky. Just because a man has claimed that he loves kids doesn't mean you drag all your three kids to the first date or out of town treat he offers. You can imagine how it would look like when two months down the line you break up and the kids cannot stop nagging you, asking where he is, how he is doing, when he will take them out or buy them gifts and what not.
4) Immediately making your new boyfriend a parenting helper
Parenting is a difficult task and I kid you no man wants baptism by fire in as far as co-parenting is concerned. The orientation requires a lot of tact and diplomacy. Try and resist the temptation to ask for school fees the very evening after the first date. Even if you are broke as a church mouse and schools are opening a week after you just begin dating. Trying to baptise your new man into your life by fire is akin to him asking to sleep with you on the first date!
5) Being a martyr for your children
It's common to see single mothers repeatedly use their child(ren) as excuses not to fully live their social life. Well, we know your kid(s) grabs virtually every second of your free time and the situation is so tricky that even creating time for yourself and some for a potential suitor becomes almost impossible. But remember you are a social being. Look, ladies always keep your hormones in check when making decisions, lest you end up enslaving yourself and screwing up your social life, just because of your children.
6) Sabotaging the relationship with, "My kid this, my kid that..."
When you are on a date, please, for heaven's sake, be on the date. Do you really have to punctuate almost all your sentences with tales about your child? Be sensitive and avoid boring your date with countless tales about your kid(s). Neither should you bulldoze your potential suitors to love your children. For instance, it is a no no to nag and blackmail your new catch to love your kid(s) as an incentive for you to love them back. Just like it took you time to fall in love, the man needs time to connect with the child. Go ahead and date the man, whether or not the child likes him or not is a huddle that you will jump when you reach it.
7) Not coming clean about the ex
If there is a reckless mistake single mums always make is hoarding information about their baby daddies. If your baby daddy is still in the picture, let your new man know and get used to it. If yes, in what capacity? Because no man wants to make an impromptu visit, only to bump into some hairy dude in a vest, rolling on the carpet in the name of playing with the children. That can turn into an ugly scene, complete with bloodshed! It's also a big scandal to lie that you cut off ties, only to be discovered you are still in communication and even receives cash handouts from him. Bear in mind no man easily allows his woman to enjoy the best of both worlds.