"For years, I thought that gifts and words of affirmation was my primary love language until recently when I did the Language of Love test was it clear to me that touch is indeed my primary love language," said Jeddah.
"I know I am affirmed mostly when my partner touches me with a gentle stroke but I did not realise just how highly I rated touch," she said. "Regrettably, my partner does not consider touch important and whenever I have attempted in the past, I was reminded that we are in a public place and people are looking at us. I gave it us and settled for the bedroom touch."
Many individuals express their love through physical touch whose expression of the touch may be explicit or implicit and require only a moment, but it speaks volumes to the recipient. Do you know how to speak this love language? It costs nothing but adds great value to relationships.
This language isn't all about the bedroom, as many often misinterpreted. It is about, thoughtful touches, holding hands, hugs, pats on the back, on the arm, shoulder, or face, light strokes, firm long hold, The touch acts as a non-verbal way of showing care, excitement, concern, and love.
According to Psychologist Matthew Hertenstein, scientists used to believe touching was simply a means of enhancing messages signalled through speech or body language but it seems instead that touch is a much more nuanced, sophisticated, and precise way to communicate emotions. His research shows that touch can communicate multiple positive emotions such as joy, love, gratitude, and sympathy which speak volumes and fill the love tanks to overflowing.
Physical touch is undoubtedly important in enhancing quality relationships and growing in intimacy, especially to the partner whose primary love language is touch, nothing is more important than a caring touch. Once you discover that physical touch is the primary love language of your partner, be creative and make an effort to touch and kiss, pat and rub on a gentle touch at any given opportunity, when you wake up in the morning, in the car, during the day, in the evening and at night.
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I advocate for at least seven touches a day and the last touch being the finishing touch at night, regardless of whether or not your will make it to the finish line. Whenever you reach out with tender touch, something magical happens you create emotional closeness, a sense of well being and increase intimacy levels.
Touch does not come naturally for everyone, it is helpful to talk about your new discovery and how you can work through this together, it may take some time but eventually practice makes perfect.
Here are some tips for you: - Have some ground rules so that both partners are comfortable with the experiment if you have not expressed the touch openly before. - Be patient with your partner and do not expect a miracle overnight. Usually habits take 40 days to learn and adapt new behaviour. - Whenever you reunite with your partner offer a hug that lasts at least 20 seconds, it is long enough for oxytocin, the feel-good bonding hormone, to be released. - During Dinner stretch your hand to touch the arm of your partner, you can hold it for a few minutes, stroke it and pass on the dish for them to serve the food - Try putting your hand on your partner's chest or belly and feel your partner's breathing, feel the rhythm of the heart and stroke the chest gently. - Discover a new touch each day and enjoy each touch by heartily affirming your partner, that way they will want to do it again and again. Remember practice makes perfect, do not stress yourself over, it only gets better with time.
Enjoy expression of touch as a language of love and thrive in your relationships!
The writer is a Relationship Coach and Author, |Marriage Built to Last. You can reach her on; www.jenniekarina.co.ke