Coping with grief: Why some feel and act the way they do

A woman overwhelmed after losing a relative. [Getty Images]

Death or the Grim Reaper is always represented by dull or just black colours. While death does not spare the rich and the mighty, it also doesn’t empathise with the poor and downtrodden. In death, there lies an ultimate equaliser, whose trail of tears and pain is often too much to bear.

Death is an inevitable part of life whose pain virtually all of us have gone through at some point in our lives.

While there is no prescription to avoid these intense feelings of grief after the loss of a loved one, there are healthier ways of coping with the terrible situation.

The more significant a person is in your life, the greater the impact of loss one is likely to feel.

For instance, when you lose a spouse or a romantic partner, you often have to deal with considerations such as funeral arrangements as well as the financial commitment that comes with the process.

One bears the pain of having to explain your spouse’s death to your children, for the married, as a way to comfort them while dealing with your grief.

Losing a romantic partner also means grieving the loss of your daily lifestyle, the loss of a shared history and the loss of a future planned together.

You may feel alone, clouded in despair and worry over the future. You could even feel guilty about real and imagined failure in protecting your departed loved one or even feeling angry at them for leaving you.

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For younger children, losing a parent can be one of the most traumatic experiences. The death of a person you relied on and who you loved unconditionally can shake your foundations and leave you with a huge, frightening void.

Even as an adult, losing a parent can be extremely distressing. You may gain some solace if your parent had a long and fulfilling life, but their death can also cause you to consider your mortality especially if your relationship wasn’t an easy one.

Another devastating loss is that of a child. You are not only losing the person they were, but also breaking the bond of hope and dreams that lay ahead, thus the trauma can be more acute.

As a parent, you feel responsible for your child’s health and safety, hence the sense of guilt can often be overwhelming.

Losing a child can also put a huge strain on one’s relationship - making parenting other surviving children emotionally challenging.

Whatever your relationship with the person who died, it is important to remember that we all grieve in different ways.

There is no formula for grieving. It’s okay to feel the way you do. Some people express their pain through crying. Whilst some may never shed a tear, it doesn’t mean they feel less of the loss.