"My biggest fear was remaining childless"

Among the many issues that many discordant couples face, the most poignant one is the fear of infecting the healthy partner in their quest to conceive. Two families share their journey with us.

A rather painful moment for any couple is the discovery that one or both of them have contracted HIV, especially when it comes as a big surprise to one or both partners. Not only is trust sometimes irrevocably broken but also their health is at risk.

Willis Omondi Awuonda lost his first wife to AIDS in 2004 at a time when AIDS related deaths were at peak. Surprisingly, his other wife Tabitha Omondi, whom he married in 2000 turned out to be HIV negative, thus making the two a discordant couple.

When we visited Awuonda at his home in Watala Village in Nyando, Kisumu County, we found the 52-year-old waiting for our arrival. He wanted to tell his story to the world and our request for the interview was quickly granted.

"I tested positive for HIV in 2002. That means that I have been living with the virus for the last 14 years, and as you can see, I am going strong," he adds with a chuckle.

He however quickly points out that he has two wives, with the senior of the two away at the time of the interview. "I have explained to my younger wife Mercy about the purpose of this interview," he says as we all take our seats.

Awuonda's two wives are HIV negative.

"The realization that I had HIV came as a shock, and I believe everyone who tests HIV positive gets shocked at first," he explains.

The experience of having two wives, one positive and the other negative, he explained, could have been so overwhelming had it not have been for the intervention of the counsellors.

When both he and his now deceased wife tested positive for the virus in 2002, he thought his world had just caved in. The second twist was the fact that his then second wife Tabitha, did not have the virus.

"It took a lot of intervention in terms of counselling for Tabitha to accept to stay. She had the option of leaving me if she chose to, given my HIV status," he says. "That was the hardest moment for me. Breaking such news to your spouse is not an easy task," he continues, sighing softly.

In 2011, he wed Mercy and they now have two children.

"When he approached me asking for my hand in marriage, I was shocked. He had HIV, I didn't. I wondered how that would work," says Mercy.

However, it was after he had explained himself further, and even proposed that they seek the assistance of a professional counsellor, that she started considering his request seriously.

"It was after a lot of counselling that I accepted to marry him," says Mercy.

According to Mercy, what makes people shy away from those who have the virus particularly in the face of long-term relationships is how they will live their entire lives using a condom, which would mean no conception.

"Children are key in a marriage, and when he came to me asking for my hand in marriage, what came to mind was that he would have to infect me if at all we were to get children," she says.

However, after series of counselling, she later understood how discordant couples could have children without necessarily infecting their partners.

"There was resistance from my immediate family but I had made my decision. We go for tests every three months, I am negative as we speak," she says.

Miles away, we meet another couple at the Liverpool VCT offices in Kisumu. Isaac Odhiambo and Emely Kauya have been living with HIV since 2007 when they both tested positive for the virus.

In 2007 when Emely, who was heavily pregnant with their last born daughter and who would later test positive for the virus told her husband that she had tested positive for the virus, Odhiambo vehemently rubbished the news. Being born again and a staunch member of a church at Nyalenda in Kisumu, he didn't see how he could have contacted HIV.

"That denial turned out to be costly because it is for that reason that we never took seriously the prevention of mother to child transmission and thus our daughter was born with the virus," explains Odhiambo.

However, Emely's health deteriorated so fast that at the time her child was born, she was at the verge of death.

"I became so sick that I ended up being admitted at the Kisumu County Hospital. It is at this point that my husband decided that we go get tested together," says Emely.

Odhiambo, who 'takes the blame' for the infection of his wife and daughter, says that when couple go to test and they turn out to be HIV positive, a result they didn't expect, then support, not accusations, should prevail.

"When we got our results, I saw the future being quite bleak. My immediate concern was my daughter who was born with the virus yet she was innocent. I felt very guilty but with counselling and various support groups, my perception was changed," says Odhiambo.

Joel Odondi, a counselling psychologist based in Kisumu advises that when couples go for HIV counselling and testing, they should know that they will be getting results that would impact their lives immensely.

"We tell them that whether one or both turn out to be positive, the result still remains theirs, and the next thing to ponder is what to do with the results. I cannot say that couples don't separate after getting their results. They do, but in most cases this happens when they already had other problems in their marriage or relationship," explains Odondi.