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A public toilet can provide both biological and comic relief as you sit there gritting your teeth, your temple throbbing with every effort, thin sweat dripping down your forehead.
The fertile mind of graffiti writers, it seems, gets creative while locked in there with enough time to use marker pens to scribble their wild thoughts.
They can entertain you whether inside those hotel or bar loos which allow for kukojoa bila kulipa, campus toilets to the pay-per-use public facilities where you will be greeted by all kinds of graffiti.
Here are 10 such graffiti that might ache your ribs...
1. If you are doing the right thing, why hide?
One thing about long calls of nature is that you have to turn and face where you were coming from, whether in a bush or a closed lavatory.
After this you notice, when your trousers or skirt is at the knees, that the door of the bloody loo only has a lose msumari for a latch!...and above it the question: ‘If you are doing the right thing...’
2. Hii bidii yako ingekua ya darasani...
This is mostly found in universities to tickle your funny bone when your mishipa is throbbing to breaking point as you try to eliminate the mukimo you took without softening the effort with liquids...
3. Wenzako wanasoma...
Like number two above this message tells the toilet user to hurry up and join fellow classmates instead of wasting valuable time grunting like a disgruntled pig.
A clever graffiti writer replied below the message: ‘Wacha wasome, ile siku tutafanya mtihani, watajikaza pia’.
4. Move closer, it’s not as long as you think
Well, this graffiti is meant to shame those standing a metre away from the pub urinal to move closer and stop irrigating the floor.
5. You are holding the future of Kenya in your hands
This one found at the Parklands Law School male urinal wall clearly meant one’s small or big kuni has the power to populate the country as well as fill it with lungula transmitted diseases...
6. Enjoy the fruits of your labour
Of course, while doing the long drop is equated to having lungula among the natural things one enjoys, few truly enjoy the fruits of having overeaten free food...and the loo has no tissue...and you never checked!
7. Rate your stuff out of ten
Doctors can tell how sick you are by the colour, texture and how loose the ‘fruits of your labour’ is, which you are asked to rate out of ten...meaning you have to inspect it...which is one way of telling a psycho!
8. Githeri ni kutafuna!
Sometimes things get tough behind the four walls, see, other people survive on ngumu mbili and uji for lunch thus you’ll never miss graffiti by a sick head that ‘unakunjia nani sura? Ni mimi nilikwambia ukule githeri bila kutafuna?’
9. Shake well after use
Unlike women, men are supposed to perform a ‘ritual’ after irrigating the nation, but this graffiti has another message that you ought to leave the toilet as clean as you found it.
10. Malizia kwako
Some people don’t’ understand that public toilet is meant for brief business; not staying there for half an hour thus one will never miss graffiti warning ‘malizia kwako’.
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