Be warned! These women can ruin your marriage

These female vultures who prey on married men can lead them down that slippery path to infidelity. Indeed, a woman’s marriage can fail because of that neighbour who sports C-thru’s with acres of flesh to feast on at the opposite balcony, that hot-blooded ‘yellow-yellow’ Personal Assistant fresh from campus or even that Ex-File making seemingly erratic, but well calculated ‘old time’s sake’ ‘checking on you’ contacts.

Here are women any wife and wife to be should chunga sana about:

‘Old Lady’ aka the mother

She is the one woman many wives should fear most. If she nonchalantly asks her son, “Of all the millions of women in Kenya, is this is the only one you saw?” Believe me, as night follows day, your days as a wife are numbered. You can never win the war against a man’s mother. Her whims are law and if she doesn’t like you, woe unto you. Not even the 2010 Constitution can help you.

Maggy her younger sister

Atieno was a happily married woman with three daughters in the mid-90s until her younger sister, Akoth, came visiting. Within a month, Akoth was pregnant after ensnaring her sister’s hubby. They went on to have two babies with him. That incident broke the bond between the sisters. The incident also split their family. When Atieno died in 2002, Akoth skipped her funeral. Their children are now adults but they don’t talk to each other.

Mweni the barmaid

Some husbands who drink alcohol spend more time with the barmaid than their children or wives! A small errand like buying the newspapers on a Saturday morning turns to a drinking session that will last until midnight. All this time, the woman who bends over, both literally and figuratively to the man’s whims is the barmaid.

They know more about a man’s business and personal problems than the wife. She always provides the listening ear, even when the man is drunk and incoherent. Indeed, for most men, few things beat being served with their favourite drink, at the right temperature and with a smile and a sashay of her hips after a long day’s work.

Agatha the office ‘spouse’

The closest woman to your husband is his work mate. They spend eight hours a day, five days a week, for the entire year, working side by side. They develop projects from the scratch, tackle problems, go for field trips out of town together, beat deadlines and surpass their targets because they have the best work support relationship. The office friendship might blossom into a relationship especially if the wife is giving the guy unnecessary stress. In one NSE listed company, a wife heard from her friend in her husband’s office that her hubby was taking a loan to buy a female coworker a car. You can picture the ruckus she caused when she paid HR a visit.

Martha the female boss

Hot and willing female bosses are every lazy man’s dream of a perfect job. Problem with men is the female boss doesn’t have to be beautiful; the only attraction is in the power she wields. Very few men can say no to overtures from a powerful female boss who can kick his butt to the pavement if he is caught checking out her panty line.

Harriet the X-File

These are the women who dated your husband while he was in campus, but dumped him for a richer man. But 10 years down the line, your husband is the rich man. These yellowing X-Files are the ghosts that continuously haunt her marital bed and by extension, the hubby’s zipper. Any small opening and the former lover will easily bed your man again, cling to him and try having a baby with him.

Jezebel in Christ

These are the saved, but judgmental women who worship with your husband. They judge you as a bad wife because you don’t accompany him to keshas, yet they know you are nursing a six months old baby. In their wicked eyes, they think they can make a better wife. When your husband smiles at them, or holds their hands during prayers, they wickedly see it as a sign from God, which the man is ready to be taken. Brethren, they are the Jezebels in the church, which makes religion look like a joke.

Sharon the Facebook friend

The anonymity and safety behind keyboards empowers even the shyest to type outrageous things. Some are not even shy to state what they want, how they want it, when they want it and the positions they prefer.

Karen the former college mate

There are women who eyed your man while they were still in campus but were to shy to approach him. Now in her 30s, the shy campus girl is probably a corporate big wig and knows that the only way to get what she wants is by going for it, head on.

Betty the business partner

She is probably the backbone of your hubby’s business. Together, they have fought employee theft, have lost money to conmen, and fought court battles including with auctioneers. Having gone through so much together, it’s only logical that as the business expands, so does their ‘business’ away from the office.

Winnie the friend

Women complain or praise their husband to their friends. This is a double edged sword. If you complain about him but your friends think he is okay, they might ‘try’ him out to see if he also has faults elsewhere. If you praise him and say he is a three times a night man, as like the number of times KQ flies to Kisumu per day, they might also try and ‘taste’ the goodness. They all want their skins to glow, just like yours.

Mary Mama Nguo

Many modern women are too busy to balance career and household chores. Many are the times a woman will leave the house, instructing the husband to pay ‘mama wa kuosha’ who will come in at around nine. However, the script is different like in Eldoret where Mama Nguo complain of being enticed by men who have no qualms paying in exchange for sex. Those who turn down the deal reportedly end up going home empty-handed.