How to get your spouse to open up

Hi Chris,

We’ve always been an honest couple, and I know my husband is a good man. I can trust him. But I never seem to know what’s going on in his life, and that worries me. So, how do I get him to open up when I suspect something’s wrong?

Strong Silent Type

Chris says,

Hi Strong Silent Type!

Most men tend to keep their thoughts to themselves. The key is to start talking about your life together when things are going well so that when problems arise, he’s already thinking about you and him as a team.

For example, he probably won’t tell you if he’s worried about making enough money. So start paying all the bills together, regardless of who earns what, so your family finances are a joint effort. Whatever he earns, let him know you’re proud of him, because it means a lot to a man to be appreciated.

The same goes for his role as a father. Recognise his efforts and he’ll do much more.

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Your husband probably won’t tell you about his career worries. So broach the subject gently by asking about his dreams and letting him know you’ll always do your best to help him achieve them.

Men also keep quiet when they’re worried about getting older. He’ll open up more if you keep telling him that you find him attractive and start being a little more adventurous in bed.

Men also tend to be secretive about their health, putting off going to the doctor even if they have real concerns. So if you’re worried about something, say so and make an appointment together. Tell him how much he means to you, and he’ll be more likely to share his fears in the future.

He’ll also worry about whether he’s living up to your expectations in bed, even if you’re really happy! So if you’re happy, say so! And if you’re not, keep things light and focus on what you want rather than what you don’t. And he’ll soon start doing things the right way.

All the best,

Chris