Confessions: I was deported from Dubai, my family rejected me after my savings ran out

I am 33 and had lived and worked in the United Arab Emirates for years until I was deported, having tested positive for HIV. When I arrived, I disclosed this to my family and after enjoying the little savings I had, they rejected me and now want nothing to do with me. Everybody has closed their doors on me and I have no support whatsoever. They just keep hurling insults and accusing me of prostitution when I was in Dubai which really puts me down. I am alone, have no way of providing for myself as I don’t know my way around yet and I don’t even know where to get treatment and support for my condition. Please advise me.

{Vivian}

What the readers say:

When you get desperate during need, you fail to think clearly and you get extremely vulnerable thus increasing your chances of making even more serious mistakes. From one mistake, the surest way to recovery is getting calm and considering every situation on its own. You have no job and you have no money; these are reversible. You are HIV positive; this is irreversible but can be managed. So first, VCT centres are all over, including public facilities: visit them and religiously take their counsel. As you do this, good domestic workers are literally ‘hot cake’ and it will not be long before you get somewhere to work. No matter the starting pay, let your good output negotiate for you. Save from your ‘little pay’ to create a side hustle as a fall back. I am sure you have learnt from the best school and mistakes will be fewer, moving forward. 

Tasma Saka 

Vivian, your situation sounds rather sad but is that the end? Right answers come at the most opportune time. Just take control of everything. Your first steps to bounce back to your once jovial life is to accept your situation and condition. Accept the realities around you. Only hold on to your faith, despite the sufferings of the great man Job in the Bible, he ensured despite being on the receiving end from people including his very own wife, was steadfast in faith. One, I believe there is a body in Kenya that deals with HIV positiv. Seek their assistance. Two, any health facility around you will provide handy valuable information if you seek their assistance. Check into any health centre, get help there. Many institutions are readily available to handle predicaments such as yours. Let your people understand that it is not only from sex that one contracts the virus, there are multiple ways one can be infected and sex is just one of them. You can start all over again to remind those around you that HIV positive is not a death warrant and in any case some of them will even die before you from diseases not related to HIV- AIDS. Take heart and soldier on for the light is just at the corner. Live positively, take drugs as will be directed, eat well with lots of exercise. Life must go on. 

Ouma Ragumo-Sifuyo

Boke says:

Sorry Vivian for all you are going through but always know this is not the end of life. As for your relations, spending all your savings and later turning against you, such are people. Be at peace that you did good when you were able. I believe you gave freely hoping the same people will be there for you in your hour of need. Unfortunately most of the people who are great receivers are the least givers. 

That aside, the most important thing for you now is your health and you need immediate attention. Visit any of the government health facilities and you will get all the necessary medical help.There are also a number of organisations and associations of people living positively which have elaborate programmes to support their members. You can join and it will help you emotionally and socially. 

Now that you’re back home, look around you for something to do. Probably a job in your area of training, if you had one. Or once your health stabilises you could seek to work in other countries where the discrimination that you went through in the former country does not take place. I believe you still have the whole of your life ahead.

As for your relatives, do not allow yourself to be bitter. Find it in your heart to forgive them. You will be surprised how heavy the weight of unforgiveness can be once you let it go. This harsh experience should not make you shun making connections and establishing  friendships. Isolating yourself may feel like the best thing but you do not need that now. Live your life to the fullest.

Act in haste as far as getting medication is concerned. The earlier the better. You do not have to give up, it is just a matter of time and you will be back on your feet health, social and financial wise. It’s going to be so embarrassing for those who wrote you off. I wish you all the best.

Hilda Boke Mahare has a background in Counselling Psychology