Behind closed doors: The secret lives of married but available women

Baltasar Ebang Engonga, the powerful Director General of Equatorial Guinea’s National Financial Investigation Agency (Anif), has turned global attention on the secret lives of married-but-available women after being linked to over 400 affairs with married women.

It’s a revelation that raises more than eyebrows—it shines a light on a side of relationships often whispered about, but rarely acknowledged: the quiet, covert, and surprisingly organised lives of married women who step outside their unions. It’s safe to say that were it not for that fraud investigation, these married women would never have been discovered by their husbands.

Let’s be honest—infidelity has never been strictly a man’s game, but for a long time, men’s dalliances have hogged the spotlight. Society almost expects it, laughing at the “wandering eye” as an intrinsic male trait. Men, after all, have been famously unfaithful for centuries, from kings with their mistresses to politicians and pop stars with affairs splashed across tabloids. But a lesser-known side to this story exists. Women, too, have picked up on these playbook tactics—and might even be playing the game better.

In contrast to the all-too-common bungling or public discovery of male affairs, the married-but-available woman operates under a strict set of covert tactics that allow her to lead a dual life with near invisibility. These women know exactly how to slip through the cracks, mastering the fine art of discretion with almost CIA-level expertise.

What’s most astonishing is how naturally married women can blend such affairs into their lives. Many of them understand that the key to discretion lies in simplicity. Their ‘extracurricular activities’ are seamlessly tucked into their day-to-day. The extra ‘lunchtime yoga class’ becomes code for a rendezvous, or that occasional ‘girls’ weekend’ is a perfect alibi. And it works. Men, after all, often overlook the subtle signals or explain them away as quirks.

When it comes to communication, modern technology has made the art of the affair more convenient, but women have found that discretion is about discipline. There’s little impulsive texting or risque messages during family hours. Instead, many stick to predictable times or anonymous chat apps that leave no trail, disappearing like digital ghosts before suspicion even has a chance to settle.

Studies have shown that women often cheat for more complex reasons than men. Emotional neglect, a lack of intimacy, or just feeling unappreciated in their marriages can lead them to find validation outside the relationship. Unlike men, who often pursue affairs for variety or thrill, women tend to be more discerning about their partners in infidelity. The married-but-available woman may be choosy, often seeking someone who understands her situation and respects the delicacy of her dual life. She isn’t necessarily seeking a lifelong partner or a replacement for her husband—she’s looking for connection, excitement, or validation.

A common misconception about infidelity is that it’s an act of cold-hearted betrayal, but these women are often deeply attached to their families. They know the stakes and make concerted efforts to avoid letting their actions interfere with family life. As many psychologists argue, some women use these affairs as a way to preserve their marriages rather than destroy them. It’s paradoxical, but some say that the escape provided by a discreet affair lets them return home with renewed patience or energy.

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The truth is, women have mastered the art of balance. They remember birthdays, their partners’ schedules, handle parenting issues, and manage to make space for their dalliances—all without setting off alarms. The result? Husbands rarely suspect anything. And herein lies the humor and irony. Men, often quick to boast about their infidelities, frequently miss the signals when the tables are turned. While they assume their wives are simply ‘too busy’ or ‘just not the type’, these women often glide under the radar, preserving the sanctity of their secret world.