Ignore the pressure!! You can be single, happy and still slay in your thirties

There is nothing as tough as being a single lady in her thirties or forties in Kenya. The funny memes and attacks on social media are enough to make you beg a man to marry you. Nut no, we are not giving in to your pressure!

Just the other day, someone referred to a certain woman's engagement as a 'rescue mission' simply because the lady was apparently in her 30s. To society, once a woman is in her 30s and unmarried, she automatically turns into a desperado ready to say 'yes' to any marriage proposal just so she can cross the bridge to the other side.

Apparently, some men think this is an easier lot to seduce and put very little effort, if any, in the said seduction. Some men in their 20s even have the guts to sheepishly smile at these women and beckon them using their heads.

I mean what happened to the man who could walk up to a woman and express himself? Do we now have to look out for men using their heads to communicate? You will be mistaken for thinking they are trying to duck a bee that's buzzing stubbornly about their heads.

Dear men, do not be fooled! The last thing a single woman in her 30s needs is a tall, dark and handsome man sitting in the corner of a bar staring at her as he licks his lips and shaking his head systematically to his heart beat.

Whatever runs through their minds at such times is only known to our maker. It is unacceptable to imagine that all single women in their thirties have marriage as their number one priority. At thirty, what runs through some of our minds is what you will bring on the table, not what you will do on the table!

I can change a light bulb, I can unblock the drainage and, hell yeah, I can go up the roof and twist my aerial to face Mt Kilimanjaro or wherever. I can also fix a flat tyre and if all else fails; my mechanic is on speed dial.

So before you carry your baggy self to me smiling like Tyra Banks' eyes and walking like a marionette, kindly sit down, asses, evaluate and package yourself like a ninja. Yes, all we need at our age is a ninja who can fight without getting physical and sleep with his eyes open. Not a Johnny Bravo who takes selfies with celebrities and tags his locations as though he is an Atlas.

Once a woman hits thirty, what happens is that her priorities in life change. That should, however, not be mistaken for desperation. The fact that tall, dark and handsome men are no longer my cup of tea does not mean that I have lowered my standards. If anything, I have set my standards and this time, with utmost soberness; not the euphoria that controlled me in my twenties.

So next time you see me celebrating my engagement to a rather plump man, do not hate. Instead, congratulate me  and if possible, envy me. In him, I have seen my future and forgotten my past. If you think otherwise, dare me right to my face and with him by my side and experience what I mean by ninjas fighting without getting physical.

What you see out there as desperation is actually strategy. Never underestimate the power of a single woman in her thirties. Before we say yes to any marriage proposal, trust that we have done our due diligence and the outcome will most certainly be something worth writing home about.

The desperation you imagine is on our side is actually on your side. You crave to see us go North but we go South just to bruise your ego.