Hello,
My wife cheated when she was on a hen party abroad five years ago and I’ve only just found out about it.
She’s 40 and I’m 43 and we’ve been married for 14 years.
Until now I’ve never been concerned about our relationship or believed she could be unfaithful.
I’ve known about the cheating for four months after her friend let slip she’d slept with a young guy on two occasions.
Every day I see her laughing and smiling, as if she’s nothing to hide, meanwhile my insides are churning and I have mental images of her sleeping with this guy.
My attitude is changing towards her and I feel like leaving.
I’ve also lost my sex drive and my confidence. I want to scream out that I know what she did.
She has asked if I’m OK but I’m struggling to deal with this lie. I think I hate her for doing this to me.
Should I confront her and leave or just leave?
Reply
OK, you can’t ignore this now you know – your wife has already sensed something is wrong.
If you do bottle it up, your anger and resentment will grow so I think it’s better to feel more in control and approach it calmly.
Also, you haven’t given her a chance to tell her side of things or explain why she cheated, if she cheated.
You only have her friend’s word and I’m not sure why she spilled the beans unless it was to cause trouble.
Of course you’re going to feel devastated and betrayed, but it’s important to talk about it and work through it rather than just leave. You’ll have things you want to say and ask.
I don’t think you can decide what to do about your marriage – to try to work through issues with or without counselling or to walk away – until you’ve had the conversation with your wife.
Yes, it’ll be painful, but it’s already painful.
It might also be a good idea to have some counselling on your own initially to help you.