I am a second year Diploma in IT student and have this man (52) who is paying for my college fees and gives me pocket money. We have been in this relationship for two years, and I am three months pregnant for him. He is from my village and I know his family well. My parents cannot afford to pay my fees and I did not want to be a burden to them since I am the first born in a family of six girls.
I also have a boyfriend from the village whose main mission, at present, is to make me his wife. With this man’s money I am able to support my parents and have even repaired our house, which was falling apart. I love my boyfriend but we have not been intimate for like four months. I am now confused about this because the pregnancy is starting to show. I don’t think this man wants to marry me, but also I don’t know how my boyfriend will take this. Please advise me... {Jeanette}
Your Take
Jeannette, life for a young woman is getting harder by day. Gone are the days when you had to sit and wait for a man to marry you and cater for all your needs. You are a victim of circumstances. You are the first born, you need money and as a woman, you have many financial needs. However, a pregnancy can bring complications to any relationship.
Your boyfriend will be hurt by this and may want to leave this relationship regardless of the reasons that took you to that man. For now, concentrate on nurturing the pregnancy and finishing your studies as this is what will lead you to your dreams. Focus on your education and everything else will come at its appointed time. The child is a gift from God, do not even think about abortion.
{Naseipenya Nana}
If you really wanted to study, you should have taken better care of yourself. Keep the baby and don’t waste any more time. Tell your boyfriend about the pregnancy and quit the relationship with the other man. One thing is for sure, he won’t leave his wife for you, but I hope he will take care of his baby. Wait upon the Lord, he will see you through and you will complete your studies
{Hannah Wangui}
You bit more than you could chew, so it is high time you swallowed your pride and lived with it. You went to bed with that man. Have his child and don’t ever think of saying the child belongs to your boyfriend. Live a sincere life.
{Angela Mutemi}
It’s funny how you have only now realised that he is older, in fact, much older than you. When he was paying your fees, he was not. Choices have consequences and you have to face them. You should have used contraceptives.
{Rashid Robert}
You are an opportunist and all you care about is yourself and your interests. Didn’t it cross your mind that you should use any protection? Didn’t you know the consequences of your actions? Are you sincere with yourself? While you were having fun with your sugar daddy, did it cross your mind that besides pregnancy, you could contract HIV, which you could easily transmit to your innocent boyfriend? Carry your cross girl, you have made your bed so lie on it.
{Line Bisier}
A married man will give you whatever you want but at the end of the day, he will always go back to his wife. This was bound to happen. He knew you were desperate, so he provided you with everything. You have to pay the price. He used you so just deal with it. Leave your boyfriend out of this because you clearly don’t love him.
{Tabby Warukira}
Counsellor's take
There comes a time when one has to bite the bullet for their actions and face the situation as it is. Essentially, you may not pass this child off as your boyfriend’s. However, it will help a great deal if you told him about the pregnancy early rather than wait for him to discover. Do not put your expectations up too high but be conscious of the likelihood that he may accept you in spite of your present condition and wait for you to complete your studies. In so doing, you don’t have to tell the whole story and more so who the father of the child is and why you were getting intimate with the man. Simply explain that you made a mistake. This happened and now you have to deal with it.
Your studies are also very important and you need to graduate at whatever cost. If it is possible for you to continue with school even when expectant then also talk to that man to continue supporting you for the remaining period. This may include facilitating you to stay with your child as you study. You have committed two years already and my assumption is that you have about one more year. This would not be too much to ask considering that graduating from college may give you a chance at being independent in your life. Dropping out now will leave you vulnerable and may even put more pressure on him to support you in life. If you quit now you will have lost two solid years in your life as well as everything you learned in the two years.
Do not threaten to expose all this to his family unless he flatly refuses to support you for the remaining period. I believe he is a mature man and that he is capable of making the right decisions. He will be reasonable with you and support you through the remaining period. However, also take time to hear what he thinks about the pregnancy and how this will affect your life. You may be surprised that he already has a good plan around all this. Lastly, as you think through all this, the focus should be towards bringing the child safely into this world. {Taurus}