So how do I go about changing my mindset and gaining the confidence to meet a girl to settle down with?
Dear Coleen
I’m a 36-year-old man with low self-esteem who struggles to believe in himself, even though I realise I’m probably no worse than anyone else.
As a child I was bullied very badly and have never really forgiven my parents for abandoning my brother and I at boarding school at a young age.
My parents, in particular my father, have dictated to us all our lives – even telling us which university we would go to and what we would study.
I’ve been told on a number of occasions by my parents and various bosses that I will not succeed in life and that I’m no high flier even though I’m conscientious and manage to meet all my targets.
So how do I go about changing my mindset and gaining the confidence to meet a girl to settle down with?
Coleen says
I’ll tell you how you do it, you get up tomorrow morning and say, ‘you know what, I’m going to prove you lot wrong’.
OK, you were bullied at school and had parents who didn’t support you – those terrible things happened, but you survived them so you won.
And you should pat yourself on the back and stop trying to please other people, and please yourself. It might take weeks or months to start believing it, but say it to yourself every day.
I’m a big believer in self-help books like Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway or The Power Of Now. They can really help to give you the tools to start thinking about things in a different way.
If you don’t think you’re good enough, how can you expect someone else to think that way?
Start by working on your self-esteem. You can do it.