Dear Coleen
I’m currently going through a divorce and my youngest child, who’s 12, has gone to live with his dad without my consent. Our family home is soon to be sold and I can’t afford to live in the immediate area due to the high cost of renting properties.
At the moment my son is only five minutes away, but I’m too scared to knock on my ex’s door to see him. My ex is a bully and I know my son is scared to see me. I used to contact him via Facebook, but now he doesn’t read my messages, let alone reply. And he never visits, despite the fact he has to pass my door many times and I work from home. I’m terrified that I will lose him forever and don’t know what to do.
I also have an older boy who’s 18 and he’s scared of his dad too.
Coleen says
First of all, although your son probably said he wanted to stay with his dad, don’t blame him. He’s stuck in the middle and, like you suggest, he was probably scared of his dad’s reaction if he said he wanted to live with you. I’m sure that’s still the case – he doesn’t want to upset the apple cart.
However, I think it’s time to talk to your lawyer about it. You are going through a divorce, so there are solicitors involved and you have a right to maintain a relationship with your son. He is only 12, so it’s not his decision who he lives with. Your ex clearly doesn’t have his best interests at heart because anyone reasonable would realise that he needs to see his mum.
You are still being bullied by this man, even though you’re separated. If you’re scared to go round, take someone with you and knock on the door. At the moment, he knows he has this power over you – and over his kids – and you need to fight back and battle for your family. Get the support of your friends and family, too.
Whatever problems you had in your marriage, if your ex was a decent man he would be encouraging his kids to have a relationship with you.