I am a married man running a small and growing company in Nairobi. Things are now looking up thanks to my secretary who is perfect is everything she does. She is keen, hardworking, caring and she has a very interesting personality. To cut the story short, I think I am attracted to her. She doesn’t know it yet but sometimes I think the feeling is mutual judging from the way she behaves when around me. She often touches me casually and wears very sexy clothes that bring many ideas into my mind. I think she is also attracted to me but I don’t know if this is the right way to go about this. The feelings I have for her are very strong and others may start to notice this. I don’t know what to do about this situation so I really need your help. Please advise me. {George W}
Your Take:
Mixing business with pleasure has never worked well and is very risky business. When you get into this, there will be a drop in productivity. You will also treat her differently and she will also behave differently letting others know what is going on. You will also never be able to openly disagree with her.
{Andrew Didy Chaplin}
This is a junior staff member compared to you. This other woman may only be after your wealth and special attention from you and is only giving you plastic love. Respect your wife, children and family.
Between this secretary of yours and wife, who came first? Also know that she may be moving with your male clients or other staff members. Be very careful before engaging your secretary or staff members in illicit love affairs.
{Onyango Outha}
The prohibited fruit is always the sweetest but the price is always very heavy. You have built an empire for so long and now you want to destroy it with forbidden pleasures. Why do you want to betray your wife who has supported you all this time?
Your secretary could be a “Delilah” who might be engineering the destruction of your home and business. You have the ability through your conscience to put things straight and your secretary in her place. Choices have consequences, make the right choice Brother.
{Eric Macharia}
Your situation is only perfect infatuation and obsession. You are about to ruin your business. You say that she has everything every man would want in a woman. The sexy clothes she puts on are not meant for you but they are meant to make her smart at work.
You must realize that should you engage with her sexually then things will never be the same in your company. She will show you her true colors which may not be pleasant. Remain her boss and let stay at boss and employee. Office romances never work. Instead, they breed blackmail, loss of property wealth and dignity/respect at work place.
{Ouma Ragumo}
Counselor’s Take:
I have heard this many times for men to say that some beautiful female colleagues are hitting on them or dropping hints all over the place but in most instances, it is usually a case of selective vision i.e. seeing what you want to see especially where the ladies are concerned.
The golden rule when it comes to office romance is that it should be avoided at all costs. At whatever level i.e. vertical between a senior and a junior (men are very fond of this) or horizontal (between workplace peers), office relationships never yield any desirable outcomes. If anything they only prove to be counter-productive to the company, to the people involved and to all other team members.
Why should you avoid office relationships like the plague? For starters, these relationships compromise your authority first to the people who are directly involved then this spreads to other staff members.
It doesn’t take a professor in human relations to know when a person is fond of and has a soft spot for another in the office. No matter how secret these relationships are kept, they stink like a dead cat and can be picked up from a mile away.
When (not if, when) they are picked up, you immediately lose your sense of authority. When your authority is compromised especially when one person is the senior and the other a junior, you lose your capacity to act fairly when it comes to that particular person.
For instance, you may ask her to do something for you that is totally within her docket but if for some reason it does not get done, you will not be as firm and authoritative as you would be with another person.
Soon, when people get wind of what is really going on here, everything you do will be looked at in light of that relationship. For instance, if you reprimand a staff member, everybody will wonder if that is the same fate that would have befallen your “office sweetheart” if they were in the same situation.
You therefore lose your capacity to make fair and sound judgment on office matters as anything you say or do will always be looked at from the view of that relationship.
Lastly, this will put a deep wedge between the two of you and the other team members. You see, people flirt, joke about and play a lot in the office and this is all part of the bonding process.
Again, her performance will drastically change from excellent to bad but since you will already be compromised, you will not be able to see this and it will eventually lead to collapse of the business which is the most important thing.
In your working environment, the most important thing to maintain is your integrity which then gives you moral authority. When you lose this, you will lose everything and people will always judge you based on this. Again, you are married so this relationship is just a short-term engagement; what will happen the day it will end? {Taurus}