Sometime last year, I asked my boyfriend to come home so I could introduce him to my mother. Just recently, he confessed that he has since been having an intimate relationship with my mother and now she is pregnant with his child, a revelation that came after I discovered that I am also pregnant. I asked my mum about this and she confirmed this. This has really shaken and disturbed me. I did not know that the two people I love and care for the most can do this to me. I am depressed and don’t know how to deal with this. I also don’t know how to handle either of them. Please advise me. I am troubled. {Mercy}
Your Take:
Follow your heart Mercy because at the end of the day people will tell you many things but you are the one in the middle of all this. You are the only one who can make this decision. Be strong and ready to forgive if you decide to go ahead with the relationship.
{Suzanne Onyango}
Even the Bible strongly condemns such behavior and says that a man who lies with his mother-in-law is cursed. This man will be a big burden to your life and will always be a source of pain and stress. You will find another man even if you decide to keep the child. I have a man who loves me and my child despite the fact that the child is not his. He does not even want another child.
{Jeanette Musila}
If your boyfriend got the confidence to reveal this to you, then maybe he is truly sorry for what he did. Try and forgive them both even if your heart will remain at pain because, after all, you love them both. {Gibson Muthuri}
Mercy, sorry for what I call stealing from the poor. Your mother is a wicked woman. Do you have a father and if yes where is he? This man is really just good for nothing and the faster you leave him the better it will be for you.
You can also quit staying under the same roof with this “woman” who claims to be your mother and a lover snatcher at the same time. Cut any links with these people until you are safe and comfortable with them. Receive God’s grace and blessings!
{Ouma Ragumo Sifuyo}
Mercy, this man who gets into an affair with your mother making her pregnant, knowing well you are still there is as guilty as your mother who takes her daughter’s boyfriend. Anyway, such incidences are no longer news. Count the game lost, wish both of them well in their new-found relationship. Take nothing to your heart, smile and move on. You will be more careful with your mother next time.
{Tasma Charles}
Counselor’s Take:
In the first instance we ought to look at the facts of the matter as they are; one, that your mother stooped to the lowest level ever by engaging with your boyfriend; two, you are expectant and so is she; three, you will definitely have a hard time dealing with both of them moving forward and four, you cannot be a co-wife to your mother. Those facts are undisputed.
On the other hand, it is important for you to understand why and how this happened from the two of them (in one sitting to avoid these blame games they are playing in your face) then also get their thoughts on how to proceed with this. This is indeed a difficult and embarrassing conversation to have but unfortunately, there is no other way around it.
For you it will be difficult but for them it will be even more difficult and embarrassing. Having thought through this, I think you will need to have another conversation with that guy and quite literally, you may want to reconsider maintaining a relationship with him.
Having gone to the extent of getting intimate with your mother, what will he do to your sisters or cousins when they come visiting? How will you deal with house-helps, neighbors wives as well as their mums – since he clearly appears to have a fetish for older and un-available women?
To effectively deal with this just like in any other matter, there has to be some form of closure. Closure comes in many ways but essentially you will have to clearly understand why and how this happened. Further, these are two people who are difficult to do away with.
On one hand, you cannot cut ties with your mother but of course the relationship will never be the same again. It may be easier to consider leaving this man because he seems to have a problem keeping his act together and really, this is not the kind of person you want to have around you for the rest of your life.
Some thoughts also need to go to the child your mother is keeping to draw the line as to if, about why and how she can keep it. For sure, it is difficult having your mother doubling up as a co-wife. With closure, you can deal with this and know that life has plenty ahead for you. Do not settle for a worthless thing just because you are expectant because in this life, when you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for in the first place. {Taurus}