The thing with the first weeks of a pregnancy is that they really humble a woman. She is always overwhelmed by a whirlwind of emotions - mostly uncertainty - and she can scare the wits out of you. There are those episodes of doubt, when partners have to think through the options, especially if the pregnancy was unplanned. Everything you say as a man will be used against you. And silence is not an option.
After the ugly scenario last week, Cindy left in haste that evening and threw her hands up in that ‘I can’t deal with your drama’ manner. You have not heard from her. Which is good. For three days, Carol didn’t talk to you. To your credit, trying to act cool as a man, you did text her.
“Anytime you are ready for a talk on the way forward, do tell me,” to which she replied after waiting like a half a day, “OK”. Her life is upside down. You are damn sure. Too bad some of these things are irreversible. You have your own ideas about how she can solve the problem, but until she says how she wants to herself.
Ideally, you can ghost on her. But that is not gentlemanly. So you hit the bar to talk to the boys about this situation. You have three trusted friends. Men, other than buying you tons of beer, are hardly helpful when you are in a sticky situation. Men always try to give you practical advice, or money so that you can solve your own problems.
So you gather in a pub. Four of you. Three close buddies and an acquaintance to one of your friends. The table furnished with drinks, you table the agenda. And Bob goes first,
“Can’t she just abort?” he asks in his booming, macho voice.
That decision is hers, I can’t force it on her.
“Can I see her photo?” Jared, your short, chatty accountant friend requests. You open her WhatsApp profile and examine it. In the picture, she is lying on the sofa, cuddling her teddy bear, it is not a very good picture. It does not do her proper justice. You try her Facebook wall and luckily there an excellent picture of her. Jared ogles her and asks, “Why can’t you just marry her dude?” he asks you. The year is 2050 and Jared will still be calling people dude.
“She has a boyfriend currently doing his PhD in Germany,” you tell them.
Pensive silence. More beer.
“How did you meet her?” asks the acquaintance, who goes by the name George.
“Long story,” you say. And narrate how she came about. He too is of the idea that you should marry her.
“Look, sometimes we men marry because of situations like this. If she is at least ‘wifable’, just marry her,” he recommends. And like a joke, they all vote for marriage. What is it with people forcing others to get married?
You can see none is helpful and this is a decision you have to make on your own. They tell you scary stories of child-support cases. Peter, who has been quiet all along, gets a chance to be moralistic:
“You really don’t want your son or daughter growing without a father. Certainly you are not that man...No you can’t do that.”
Exactly, not the kind of advice you wanted to hear. You have to square this with Carol. Only the two of you have keys to your future...
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