While in high school, I had a crush with whom I only flirted but nothing much transpired. I am done with my university and I am thinking of settling down. My boyfriend is making hints that we can actually settle down next year.
However, a few weeks ago, my crush sent me a friend request on social media. At first I could not believe it was him till we met and all I can say is the love I had for him is back. He also says he loves me still. What do I do? Whom do I settle with? Please help
Your situation is a pretty common one, Torn. You've got two people in your life. On one hand, you have a solid, stable and predictable partner for whom you feel great affection but not a lot of passion or excitement. You are actually ready to settle down with him. Excited about it?
What’s the one thing that never fails to make you feel better?On the other hand, you have a quirky, intense infatuation for someone who God-knows if he is serious with you or just came back to complete a mission and then off he goes?
You want both spontaneity and solidity out of an ideal partner, but you are finding that you have to choose, and that making the choice is surprisingly difficult. Adding to the complication is that your crush now claims to have loved you and still does. Here, the rubber must meet the road proper and you must be true to yourself!
Where has he been all along? It has been more than five or so years I assume? Why has he just resurfaced? What has he been up to? What is his motive of coming back? Infatuation or lust lasts for a maximum of one year. Did he rekindle old memories or you are just excited? Is he the ideal partner you are hoping to settle down with?
If you truly loved him as you may want to assume, you may not have had a strong attachment to your current. In a situation where one is torn between two lovers, always choose the one who came later! This is because if you truly loved your former, you would not have space for the latter!
My mother is elderly and cannot take much care of herself. She needs constant care and no one amongst my siblings seems ready to take care of her. I am contemplating quitting my job to take care of her as she also sacrificed for me when I was young. Is this the right move?
I truly empathise with your current situation. You already know what may be gained by giving up employment and becoming the sole caregiver for your mother. You are the hands-on person and know her care intimately. You know how she is doing day and night and you hope they will appreciate your help. She raised you and you want to give back.
You also could save the money that would be spent for in-home care or adult day care, plus you likely put off, if not eliminate, the need for nursing home care. Therefore, quitting a job and staying home to care for your ageing mother could save some significant money.
What do you lose if you quit your job?
While you may consider a month-to-month deficit in your income something that can be tolerated for the time being, it's easy to forget or ignore your own financial future. In the current Kenyan context, would it be easy for you to get a new job once your mum's condition improves or when she is long gone?
Yes, stepping in to help your ageing mother may feel good and help save money, but you may lose more in the long run and you may need to consider the implication both to you and your family (if you got any). You may think that if she has assets and don't outlive her money, you may recoup some of the financial resources you gave up by inheriting some of her estate when she dies.
But don't count on that. What if she outlives her money due to her condition? Per adventure you were to bring her to your home and take care of her while you still can work; would that suffice? Your siblings may also chip in to meet some cost while they may visit you as well.