I was listening to a conversation on one of the local radio stations and could not help but be amused. A lady was asking for advice after dating a man for five years, and after they broke up, he ended up marrying another woman within two months of their separation.
Here’s my advice to any woman out there who thinks she’s entitled. There is a difference between a lover, a fiancé, and a husband.
There is no guarantee that your lover will end up as your husband, so, stop treating him like one. Here’s a simple analogy; if you want to sell me a cow that can give me milk, don’t indulge me with free supply of milk until the cow is almost running dry in a bid to convince me to buy it. Why would I if I have had enough of the free milk anyway?
If you are always at your man’s place, washing his clothes, cooking for him and giving it up freely, what do you expect in the end?
The guy will even start cheating and could infect you with sexually transmitted diseases. Gullible women have even been known to take loans to settle their loser men’s betting debts, besides entertaining their men’s loud-mouthed and crude friends. That is not love. That is stupidity.
Just because you know his family is no guarantee that he will make it official. And woman please, don’t even think of trapping him into marriage with pregnancy. That will only make matters worse.
When you date a man for more than two years and you have never heard him talk of settling down, yet you have been playing wife and mother all that time, you’d better cut your losses and bolt; unless of course you are also into no-strings attached relationships.
You might dismiss me as old school, but my advice will save you the trouble of calling radio stations for help. Don’t move into a man’s house if he doesn’t make the offer.
You should have your own place if you want to avoid frustrations from men, who think they can own you just for using their toothpaste! I hate it when women move in with their boyfriends immediately after school, then become totally dependent on the men and sit around the house doing nothing besides calling the man ‘bae.’
We cannot continue blaming men when we are supposed to be 10 times smarter than them. How do you date a man for five years without knowing where the relationship is headed?
Five years is the time a visionary president needs to turn around a debt-ridden country like ours that is stuck in a bog of tribalism and corruption. In fact Maghufuli proved that you probably just need three weeks to do that!
Don’t get stuck in ‘situationships,’ where you stick with a man who shows no interest to take the relationship to the next level, but ends up getting married immediately you are separated. Woman, take the first bold step and ask the man if he’s serious to settle down.
Don’t push your luck with men after two years without direction. Don’t be misled by those mushy wedding show tales about couples having known each other for six years before deciding to tie the knot.
Those are choreographed white lies; for those were most likely cohabiting and decided to formalise their unions, or probably knew each other first as colleagues, then friends and later lovers for a year or less.
Let no man keep you in a meaningless relationship to exploit and explore you, and ruin your chances of getting a serious man. Showing some wifely and homely skills is not wrong, if anything it can make a man want to marry you.
However, being a wife to a boyfriend is a sign of desperation and you will be exposing yourself to abuse. Stick just long enough to find out if the relationship is headed somewhere. Even in matters of the heart, we should rely on our heads.
@ScophineO
SAOtieno@standardmedia.co.ke