There is no easy way of saying this - breakups and divorce are painful. Excuse my French, they will hurt like hell and no one can prepare you for it.
Whatever the reason for the end, this will be one of the most stressful and emotional experiences you can go through.
It will affect your health and overall wellbeing as your whole world is flipped.
People will urge you to count your losses and move on but only if it was that easy. It is almost impossible to brush off the profound grief, disappointment and feelings of failure it comes with especially if there were kids involved.
With the interruption and uncertainty it comes with, you must understand that there will be a grieving period after your breakup or divorce.
Here, we look at some helpful ways you can deal with the process of going from ‘we’ to ‘me.’
i.Mourn the loss
The reason why the end of a relationship or marriage hurts so badly is because it feels like a death. Death of a once beautiful thing that has come to a painful halt.
And because of that, you will go through the different waves of emotions from sadness, anger to denial. Scary as it may be, allow yourself to go through the pain and let the tears flow.
The good news is, this won’t last forever. It is part of the healing that must take place.
ii.Take it easy on yourself
You’re not a robot and it’s OK to not feel your best. A separation will affect your output at work, your overall happiness and even how you may take care of yourself.
If the breakup was as a result of something you did, you will go through some guilt and you must learn to accept the outcome and forgive yourself.
iii.Don’t involve your children
Using children as leverage and as a tool to control your partner is one of the biggest mistakes separated couples do.
Whatever your partner did, do not be tempted to bad mouth them in front of your child because at the end of the day you’re only hurting the child.
Handle your personal issues and differences in private like grownups and leave the children out of your troubles.
iv.Don’t go through it solo
Another mistake we tend to do when dealing with heartbreak is isolating ourselves. You may want some time alone which is understandable but keeping to yourself can make you more stressed, affect your work, grades, health and existing relationships.
Share with your loved ones about what you’re going through so they may be able to help you. If you prefer talking to people who have gone through a similar experience then you should consider joining a support group.
Let someone in.
A professional therapist may be of even much more help especially in the event there was neglect or any form of abuse.
v.Take care of yourself
The best thing you can do to deal with the pain is to distract yourself with things you love. You can finally explore your interests or treat yourself to something you enjoy.
This could be simple things like going for a manicure, taking a relaxing bath or watching a series with a close group of friends.
Anything that will make you smile and laugh will boost your mood and accelerate your healing.