Sometime back, a friend of mine had a momentary lapse of judgment and decided to join Tinder (I have always maintained that no self-respecting woman should be on Tinder). For those in the dark, Tinder is a free mobile dating application which helps you find dates (read hookups) by matching you with potential mates in your area. Fortunately, my friend got her head straight after a while and uninstalled the app, but not before she amassed a wealth of wisdom about the workings of Tinder in Kenya. In her own words, Tinder is a playground for broke, married Kenyan men who are looking to hit it and quit it, if you know what I mean (I hate to burst your bubble child but you will not find a sponsor on Tinder).
What made her hackles rise was the number of married men trying to pass themselves off as single to get lucky on Tinder. Her last straw was when she was having a chat with one guy she had matched with and the guy innocently mentioned what he was having for dinner, complete with a picture. They had been on a few dates and he had sworn on his mother’s grave that he wasn’t married. He claimed to be a bachelor who was living alone. He alleged that he couldn’t find a date the conventional way because he had a demanding job that left him little time to socialise. He had also come up with convincing lies about why he had never invited her to his house.
She had fallen for it, hook line and sinker until he told her what he was having for dinner that fateful night and alarm bells started ringing in her heads. Here is the thing. This self-proclaimed bachelor (let us call him Jaymo) was the macho type who couldn’t possibly know his way around the kitchen. I know that there are alpha males who can cook, but the thing about these guys is that they are rather proud of their culinary skills and make it known every chance they get, especially to prospective partners. Jaymo had never mentioned anything of the sort. As far as she knew, he did not know how to chop an onion, leave alone how to bake a potato. So, how in hell did he manage to whip out a garlic steak with butter sauce and baked potatoes for dinner? At best, he was a struggling novice because bachelors gotta eat too, so he obviously knows a few basics. But there is no way he could have been able to whip out such a complicated dish on his own. Something was not adding up.
My friend called him out on his BS and basically said, “Look, I wasn’t born yesterday. There is no way you made that dish, and you don’t have a cook in your house. What gives?” Realising that he had been cornered, Jaymo tried to persuade her that his sister had come over and made the meal. What a load of baloney! But his jig was up. After a little online snooping, my friend was able to confirm that Jaymo was indeed married and had been so for six years! He broke off all contact with him. I was telling her that maybe she should have first asked Jaymo if his wife was willing to share the recipe for that wicked garlic steak with butter sauce. It looked damn delicious!
Oh, the lengths philandering jerks go to to hide the wife! Half the women in this generation don’t care that you are betrothed to someone else if they feel that their needs are being met. So, don’t burden yourself with lies. Be upfront about your married status!