Dear Coleen
I split up with my long-term boyfriend at Christmas. We’d been together five years and I desperately wanted a family, but he told me he never wants to have children so I left him.
After we broke up I started a relationship with another man that lasted six weeks. I ended things with him because my ex said he had changed his mind and realized I’m what he wants, so he’s now willing to have children and wants to get married.
I’ve been back with him for two weeks now, but I’ve just found out that I’m pregnant and he can’t be the father.
I told him I’m pregnant and he knows that it can’t be his baby. He’s said he can’t bring up another man’s child, so if I decide to carry on with the pregnancy, we are done.
I really want us to have our own family together, but I don’t think I can give up this baby. I know the father (the guy I dated for six weeks) would want to be in his child’s life and would want to be with me as well, so I wouldn’t be alone in this. I just don’t know what choice to make. Please help.
Coleen says
I think you do know what choice to make. If you have any doubts about a termination, then it would be a mistake. You could terminate this pregnancy and stay with your boyfriend and, a year later, you might be no further down the line with marriage or babies. He could be promising you all this stuff just to get you back, but will he deliver on it? And will you be ready to have another child after the stress and heartache of going through a termination?
You are letting him make all the decisions. Think about what you want now in your life and take back control of your own destiny.
If you do keep the baby, which I think you will, don’t go rushing back into a relationship with the baby’s father. Take things slowly. It’s wonderful if he wants to support you and be involved in the baby’s life, but that doesn’t mean you have to jump into a relationship if it’s not right or you’re not sure that’s what you want.
Being a parent is very tough whether you’re single or in a relationship. But you sound like someone who’s been desperate to become a mum, so focus on that and I think you’ll be fine.