Many people are battling with issues such as fear of intimacy, rejection, pornography, masturbation, infidelity, sexual fantasies, familiarity, stress due to work pressure, aging, caring for aging parents, raising children and household responsibilities, which may contribute to lack of sex among partners.
Researchers are persuaded that regular sex keeps a marriage strong and fulfilled while lack of it has the potential to destroy any marriage. It is said that a couple living without sex will possibly separate within 12 months.
Doug Brown and his wife had been married 14 years, between juggling with children and jobs they had sex three times a month and were doing badly so, together with another couple, they decided to investigate whether regular sex can make a difference in relationships.
They purposed to take time out and work on their relationship by having sex daily. They purchased various resources on how to get fired up and stepped up exercise, took trips and created the romantic ambiance wherever they went.
They chronicled their experiences documented in two books, “Just Do It: How One Couple Turned Off the TV and Turned On Their Sex Lives for 101 Days (No Excuses!)” by Doug Brown and “365 Nights: A Memoir of Intimacy” by Charla Muller with Betsy Thorpe. The couples established that the experiment strengthened their marriage holistically.
Can daily sex really save a marriage going through drama, disappointment and discord? I would say yes and no! Yes as discovered by the Browns and Mullers.
They had a vision and set out to accomplish it, purposing to have sex daily certainly made a difference because firstly, both partners were in a project “daily sex” together, that is teamwork and team spirit which is important in marriage.
The Muller’s had been married for eight years according to his wife, when she embarked on the “the year of the gift” to celebrate her husband’s 40th birthday, who admits having suffered performance anxiety. She acknowledges that frequent sex made them happier, less angry, and less stressed.
Secondly, sex has many benefits, so purposing to have it daily has many rewarding benefits, certainly strengthening relationships.
Regular sex helps boost the immune system, lowers blood pressure, lowers heart attack risks, boosts libido, improves women’s bladder control, reduces the risk of prostate cancer, reduces stress and depression, keeps skin completion glowing, improves self-esteem and confidence, Improves sleep, enhancing joy and happiness and total well-being. Surely, these benefits are worth considering a daily dose!
According to researchers, regular sex triggers the sex drive, enhances romance and attachment, along with confidence and general wellness as a result of produced hormones; testosterone, dopamine, and oxytocin which are achieved with regular sexual activity.
We can therefore all agree that regular sex is good for your health, your self-esteem and your relationship. It certainly will give you a boost of energy. Here are a few tips to keep you going:
1. Communicate
Lack of communication concerning any sexual issues can challenge any relationship. Be open, compassionate and proactive. Do not keep any issues too long before you talk about it, you will need to take an active role and spice up your act. Structure your time together and purpose to enjoy your date night.
2. Do not keep a record of wrong
Keeping a record of wrong becomes a stumbling block and hinders intimacy.
You may have serious issues, ranging from trust, infidelity and emotional abuse. Seek to turn a new leaf together, seek therapy if necessary. If you are suffering guilt because you blame yourself for your spouse’s faults, remember, it is never about you.
3. Celebrate milestones together
Take the opportunity to celebrate milestones together; birthdays, anniversaries, graduations or any achievement that comes your way.
Choose to see the positive side of everything and learn to count your blessings every day, for life is a gift from God without guarantee for yet another day.
The writer is a relationship coach and author of Marriage Built to Last. You can reach her on www.jenniekarina.co.ke