Ghosting is not cool

A lady holding a mobile phone. [iStockphoto]

Ladies, please gather around, because it’s time to discuss a phenomenon that has baffled scientists, relationship experts, and even the occasional astrologer: the Great Male Vanishing Act, also known as ghosting.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Ghosting? Really? Has it come to this? Yes, it has. In a world where men can summon pizza with the click of a button and meticulously build entire fantasy football teams, they somehow can’t manage to muster the courage to send a simple, “Hey, it’s not you, it’s me” text. Instead, they vanish into thin air, like a magician who forgot to come back from behind the curtain. Cue the spooky music.

For those lucky souls who have never experienced this, let me explain. Ghosting is when a man you’ve been dating, texting, or occasionally tolerating suddenly disappears without explanation, warning, or follow-up. One day, you’re making weekend plans and the next? Poof! He’s gone.

The art of ghosting has certainly evolved over the years. Back in the day, a man who wanted out had to endure the uncomfortable “breakup conversation”—a torturous ritual where both parties pretended to care about each other’s feelings for at least five minutes before awkwardly parting ways, like colleagues after a failed Zoom meeting. But in today’s world of fast-paced communication, ghosting has become the silent, cowardly substitute. Why communicate when you can just disappear?

Ghosting typically begins with a slow fade. You’re texting back and forth, life is good, and maybe you’re even picturing a future with this guy—like, maybe he’s the one. Or at least, the one who won’t steal your Netflix password. Then, without warning, his replies start getting shorter. First, it’s “Haha,” then it’s “K,” and before you know it, you’re left staring at three dots on your screen that never materialize into actual words.

At first, you might think, “Oh, he’s just busy.” Sure, he’s probably out there doing very important things, solving world hunger or running a marathon. (Spoiler alert: He’s not.) Then, hours turn into days, days into weeks, and suddenly, you realize you’ve been ghosted.

Naturally, after the initial shock wears off, it’s time for the inevitable over-analysis. Was it something you said or did? Was your last meme not funny enough? Did you underperform kwa mechi?

In reality, there’s no rhyme or reason to it. The ghoster is likely out there binge-watching a show, eating a sandwich, or—get this—ghosting someone else.

After enough time has passed, you’ll reach the stage of semi-acceptance. You accept that he’s probably not coming back, but also remain prepared for the classic Ghost Resurrection (more on that later). At this point, you’ve deleted his number, erased the texts, and maybe even had a little pep talk with your girlfriends about how you “totally deserve better.” (You do, by the way.)

But just when you think you’ve found closure, here comes the Ghost Resurrection. This usually comes in the form of a cryptic text like, “Hey, how’ve you been?” or “You up?” Translation: I’ve run out of people to ghost, and I’m circling back.

Let’s not forget that ghosting requires an advanced set of escape skills. Men who ghost don’t just vanish from texts; they’ll avoid your social media, dodge mutual friends, and possibly even take a different route home from work to avoid accidentally bumping into you. In the world of ghosting, they’re like ninjas in skinny jeans, dodging accountability at every turn.

And so, the mystery of the male vanishing act remains unsolved. Is it fear of confrontation or lack of emotional maturity? Or are they simply unaware that being a ghost doesn’t make them “cool”? Whatever the reason, one thing is certain: the ghosting epidemic rages on, leaving women across the globe asking the same question—“Is my Wi-Fi down, or did he just disappear?”

Spoiler alert: It’s definitely him.