I recently had lunch with a dear friend who, over the past two years, has suffered a series of gut punches that would make a WWE match look like child's play.
She lost everything - her job, her savings, even close relationships she thought were unshakable. If life were a person, it would have thrown her into a ditch, turned around and run her over again.
But here's the kicker. My friend sat across the table and smiled. Not just a polite smile, but the kind that says I know something you don't.
She talked about her plans to rebuild, her dreams of starting again and her hope for the future, all with an M-Pesa balance of Sh108 and a bank balance of Sh709, which she shared with a hearty laugh.
Her resilience made me think about my own darkest times. If I had her drive, I would not have spent months wallowing in self-pity. Those moments when life didn't just throw lemons at me, it threw the whole tree at me.
You know those times, don't you? When the rent is due, your bank account is in the red, and the neighbour's dog decides to relieve itself on your patio, where you clear your head every morning. In those moments, I felt:
Hyper aware of disaster: Suddenly everything seemed to go wrong. Even a simple news alert made me choke on my 'pillau njeri'.
Consumed by scarcity: Whether it was time, money or emotional energy, it always felt like there wasn't enough. My mind kept screaming, what do people want from me?
Stuck in survival mode: Thriving felt like a luxury. Some days my biggest achievement was literally just getting out of bed.
Robbed of creativity: When you're overwhelmed, even thinking about solutions feels like solving an advanced maths problem without a calculator.
If you've ever lost a job, a big opportunity, or just felt like life has yanked the rug out from under you, you know what I mean. These times of hardship feel relentless and endless, but what if I told you that these dark moments could be your turning point?
How to pivot when life feels unbearable
When you find yourself in the deep end of life, fighting the current will only sink you faster. Thriving is possible, but it takes conscious effort. Here's what you can do:
Stop fighting the current: Imagine you are falling into a raging river. The more you struggle, the more you'll be pulled under. Instead, float. Accept where you are. When I lost a contract that was paying my bills, I cried and complained for weeks. Only when I accepted my reality did I begin to think clearly about what to do next.
Focus on inner transformation: Don't just wish for your circumstances to change - focus on changing yourself. Ask yourself: What kind of person do I need to become in order to thrive in this situation? Growth begins within, not without.
Expand your awareness of possibilities: Life is like a Gikomba market - chaotic and noisy, but full of many affordable and unique things, if you can only manage to quiet the noise and keep the pickpockets away, opportunities are there if you know where to look. Instead of focusing on what went wrong, ask yourself: what else is possible? Whether it's starting that chicken farm in the village or finally dusting off that proposal you wanted to pitch to an angel investor five years ago, let your mind explore new avenues.
Shift from scarcity to abundance: Scarcity blinds you to the blessings around you. Did you know that your body has over 37 trillion cells working overtime to keep you alive? Do you know how complex your nervous system or digestive system is and yet it works so flawlessly and precisely, do you know that the numbers on your hair are countless, that's abundance right there! I think God in his humour wanted us to see that it is already within us, the ability to see abundance and our ability to handle anything.
Practice gratitude daily: Gratitude is a game changer. Start small. Be grateful for the sunrise, for the friend who sends you hilarious memes, or even for that bowl of githeri from your mother's kitchen that hit the spot. Gratitude shifts your focus from what's missing to what's present.
Use the law of intention: Like a Maasai warrior aiming his spear at a lion eating his goats, focus on what you want. Be clear about your goals and direct your actions accordingly. Your intention is your spear - it directs your energy.
Visualise your future: Imagine your future as vividly as a Kenyan eyewitness describes an accident. Visualisation isn't just for dreamers; it's a tool for high achievers. Spend time every day imagining your success and, as you do, feel the sensation of each experience; your mind has no way of telling what is real and what is imagined.
There is wisdom in every hardship. What is life teaching you right now? Perhaps it's resilience, patience, or the art of paying attention to what you could never see before. Take notes - these lessons will serve you for a lifetime, don't waste your struggle, it's a gold mine.
The Role of Gratitude and Patience
Change doesn't happen overnight. It's not like instant coffee, where you just add hot water. It's more like planting a tree - slow, steady and often frustrating. But while you wait for the fruit, you can choose an attitude that makes the waiting bearable.
Start the day with gratitude. Thank God for the small victories, the air you breathe, the people who check in on you, and the fact that you're still here. Gratitude doesn't make hardship go away, but it changes the way you go through it.
The steps I've shared aren't just for difficult times. They're a formula for lifelong growth. Life will always have twists and turns - it's like a boda boda ride on a rocky, bumpy road. But with the right attitude, you can navigate anything.
Seasons of hardship are not meant to destroy us. No, they were meant to awaken us and show us all the untapped resources we have within us.
My friend reminded me that even when life strips us bare, it also gives us a chance to see life from a whole new perspective. So to anyone feeling stuck or lost, remember: you're not finished yet. You're in a time of pivoting, and you're only one perspective away from what you were meant to learn.
Rachel Wambui is a certified Life Coach, accredited by the Therapists Accredited Association.
