Dear Chris,
I really want to get ahead, but I’m not sure I’m brainy enough! I had to really push to get through college and still have to push myself hard at work. So, I lack the confidence to succeed! What can I do?
Sincerely,
Not Brainy Enough
Chris says,
Dear Not Brainy Enough,
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Intelligence certainly is important, but many other things matter more. Your attitude, for example. Being willing to work hard will beat even the most intelligent couch potato every time.
However, a lack of confidence can really hold you back. So, how can you improve that?
The best way is to work on your body language. Just observe your friends and watch for ways to improve your eye contact, facial expressions, gestures and social skills.
Then, people will see that you’re actively engaging with them and they’ll feel you’re more competent, persuasive, and likable.
It will also improve your self-confidence because good body language increases the levels of hormones that make you feel good, like your testosterone level. That works just as well for women as it does for men!
Good body language also decreases your cortisol levels, which enables you to think more clearly and reduces the effects of stress, especially when you’re facing tight deadlines, tough decisions and high workloads.
What else should you work on?
Your ability to read social situations improves your ability to anticipate what people will do next. And your emotional sensitivity, so you become better at reading other people’s emotions.
Watch how people react to your behaviour and do more of the things that work, so you gradually learn how best to behave in a wide variety of social situations.
But there are also times when you don’t want everyone to know what you’re feeling. So, you also need to work on controlling your nonverbal signals. That allows you to listen to someone who’s upsetting you without revealing your anger, for example and to work on the right response in your own time. Just that one skill alone can completely change your life!
All the best,
Chris