Invitation to my no resolutions New Year bash

My friend Nancy and I were out on a lunch date last weekend but guess what, neither of us got a bite to eat. We got caught up in our conversation majoring on our resolutions for the year that is coming to an end.

Well, 2015 is almost here yet neither of us has fulfilled the New Year resolutions we faithfully sat down and jotted when 2014 began. Seriously, why do we even bother to jot down these resolutions if we will just sit back and wait to revise them when the year comes to an end?

I personally did not even manage to do the simplest of them all — move houses. Yes, I am still stuck on seventh floor, right above Tony Mochama who keeps complaining when I air my dripping laundry right above his dry ones! He keeps sending his sweet daughter Chelsea to knock on my door and warn me about dragging furniture on the floor yet I don’t own any.

Maybe sixth floor is haunted, or better still, maybe he just wants me to see his beautiful daughter. News flash, Tony, I am bringing Chelsea a playmate next year, and no, I am not jotting it down among my resolutions.

I am, however, proud of myself for accomplishing only one. I turned 30! I will not plan to turn 31 next year, I will just wait and let it happen.

This year marked the fifth time Nancy was making marriage one of her New Year resolutions. I think she might not be a wife material, just like I am not. Every man we meet turns out to be a Father Abraham; they want to make us mothers but not wives.

Do these men make children their resolutions every year? If so, then come next year, we are going to help them accomplish their missions. Chelsea needs a playmate, remember? Nancy has vowed not jot down any resolutions. She has promised herself to live life on a free gear, or is it auto pilot?

Just like her, my life will be on auto pilot come next year. We realised that every time we plan something, it fails terribly! So our plan for next year is to fail to plan.

This festive season, Nancy and I have planned to spend all the money we had put aside for our unaccomplished resolutions. The schools we never went back to, the wedding gowns we never bought, the promotions we never earned and, yes, we did not even visit our folks back home; blame it on our busy schedules.

We are going to throw a party for all those who failed to meet their resolutions for this year.

This will be a party for failures with no rules whatsoever. A party for those who have disappointed themselves year in year out all in the name of resolutions on a piece of paper.

We invite you all to come and celebrate that spouse that never was, that house that never went past the architect’s paper, that baby that never saw the light of the day, that car that has refused to leave the port and above all, that title that you might never have.

Let’s come together and shred the papers that carry our dead resolutions. Yes, it’s never late till it’s done but in reality, we are too late to meet our dreams this year. We do not have to wait for New Year’s Eve to realise that we have failed.

The earlier we accept our failures the better we shall feel.

We will cross the year rejuvenated, with no pressure at all, no missions and visions, we will be living life on the fast lane as we chant our slogan...YOLO.

We wish everyone whose dreams are resting on a piece of paper a prosperous New Year!